Author's Note: I think this chapter may need a tissue or two. Then again, it might be just me being overemotional... Hmmmm... So anyways keep some around, just in case. And I have one more thing to announce. Bold letters are over! Last chapter with them! This is the last chapter that has SM's words from New Moon or Eclipse. From chapter 5 and on it's 100% written by Nessie! Well, almost. As I said, bold letters are gonna stay out of the picture for a while! *smiles* One last thing. Please guys, don't hate Charlie for his decision, he's just trying to do the best he can for Bella. Hope you like the chapter! Leave some love!
Lots of love,
Nessie
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October
November
Charlie’s fist came down on the table. “That’s it, Bella! I'm sending you home."
I looked up from my cereal, which I was pondering rather than eating, and stared at Charlie in shock. I hadn't been following the conversation – actually, I hadn't been aware that we were having a conversation – and I wasn't sure what he meant.
"I am home," I mumbled, confused.
"I'm sending you to Renee, to Jacksonville," he clarified.
Charlie watched with exasperation as I slowly grasped the meaning of his words.
"What did I do?" I felt my face crumple. It was so unfair. My behavior had been above reproach for the past two months. After that first week, which neither of us ever mentioned, I hadn't missed a day of school or work. My grades were perfect. I never broke curfew – I never went anywhere from which to break curfew in the first place. I only very rarely served leftovers.
Charlie was scowling.
"You didn't do anything. That's the problem. You never do anything."
"You want me to get into trouble?" I wondered, my eyebrows pulling together in mystification. I made an effort to pay attention. It wasn't easy. I was so used to tuning everything out, my ears felt stopped up.
"Trouble would be better than this… this moping around all the time!"
That stung a bit. I'd been careful to avoid all forms of moroseness, moping included.
"I am not moping around."
"Wrong word," he grudgingly conceded. "Moping would be better – that would be doingsomething. You're just… lifeless, Bella. I think that's the word I want."
This accusation struck home. I sighed and tried to put some animation into my response.
"I'm sorry, Dad." My apology sounded a little flat, even to me. I'd thought I'd been fooling him. Keeping Charlie from suffering was the whole point of all this effort. How depressing to think that the effort had been wasted.
"I don't want you to apologize."
I sighed. "Then tell me what you do want me to do."
"Bella," he hesitated, scrutinizing my reaction to his next words. "Honey, you're not the first person to go through this kind of thing, you know."
"I know that." My accompanying grimace was limp and unimpressive.
"Listen, honey. I think that– that maybe you need some help."
"Help?"
He paused, searching for the words again. "When your mother left," he began, frowning, "and took you with her…" He inhaled deeply. "Well, that was a really bad time for me."
"I know, Dad," I mumbled.
"But I handled it," he pointed out. "Honey, you're not handling it. I waited; I hoped it would get better." He stared at me and I looked down quickly. "I think we both know it's not getting better."
"I'm fine."
He ignored me. "Maybe, well, maybe if you talked to someone about it. A professional."
"You want me to see a shrink?" My voice was a shade sharper as I realized what he was getting at.
"Maybe it would help."
"And maybe it wouldn't help one little bit."
I didn't know much about psychoanalysis, but I was pretty sure that it didn't work unless the subject was relatively honest. Sure, I could tell the truth – if I wanted to spend the rest of my life in a padded cell.
He examined my obstinate expression, and switched to another line of attack.
"It's beyond me, Bella. Maybe your mother–"
"Look," I said in a flat voice. "I'll go out tonight, if you want. I'll call Jess or Angela."
"That's not what I want," he argued, frustrated. "I don't think I can live through seeing you try harder. I've never seen anyone trying so hard. It hurts to watch."
I pretended to be dense, looking down at the table. "I don't understand, Dad. First you're mad because I'm not doing anything, and then you say you don't want me to go out."
"I want you to be happy – no, not even that much. I just want you not to be miserable. I think you'll have a better chance if you get out of Forks." My eyes flashed up with the first small spark of feeling I'd had in too long to contemplate.
"I'm not leaving," I said.
"Why not?" he demanded.
"I'm in my last semester of school – it would screw everything up."
"You're a good student – you'll figure it out."
"I don't want to crowd Mom and Phil."
"Your mother's been dying to have you back."
"Florida is too hot."
His fist came down on the table again. "We both know what's really going on here, Bella, and it's not good for you." He took a deep breath. "It's been months. What are you expecting? You know there’s no way he’s coming back."
I glowered at him. The heat almost, but not quite, reached my face. It had been a long time since I'd blushed with any emotion.
This whole subject was utterly forbidden, as he was well aware. At least for him. I discussed – well Alice mentioned it – sometimes but not with Charlie. He was not allowed to mention him. Why? Because he never liked him and he would only add to my misery. Not allowed!
"I'm not waiting for anything. I don't expect anything," I said in a low monotone. Even if I do, it is impossible, even for a vampire. He can’t return from where he is.
"Bella–" Charlie began, his voice thick.
"I have to get to school," I interrupted, standing up and yanking my untouched breakfast from the table. I dumped my bowl in the sink without pausing to wash it out. I couldn't deal with any more conversation.
Before I could reach my car, I felt his hand gripping me. “No, Bella. We have to talk about it now.”
I yanked my arm away and he gave me a long stare.
“Isabella Swan, I told you that this cannot go on!” he repeated in his attempt at a strict voice.
“Dad, enough, I told you I’m fine!”
“Bella, please. Don’t go on. Come back to talk about it like civilized people.” He motioned towards the inside of the house, and I followed quietly and sat on the sofa.
“Forks High School, how could I help you?” I heard the school secretary ask on the other side of the phone line. She had helped me a lot when I first came here giving me a map of the school to find everything and settle in my classes.
“Hello, this is Charlie Swan, I’d like to let you know that Bella is sick and won’t come be coming to school today.”
“Oh, alright, Mr. Swan, thank you for informing. I do hope that she is… okay,” she answered hesitantly then hung up the phone quickly; probably to get back to playing Hearts or Solitaire on her computer.
“What did you do? Why did you tell them that I am sick?!” I demanded.
“Listen, young lady, this cannot go on for much longer! You aren’t doing better at all and I can’t allow it to continue to be like that!”
“Charlie, I told you that I am dealing! It. Is. Fine. I. Am. Fine!”
“You’re going to Jacksonville. Don’t say a thing since you’re dealing, you can be with your Mom and Phil till High School’s over. It’s just a semester, like you so clearly already pointed out.”
“What?!”
“This is my final word, Bells. I’ll call Renee now, and let her know. Maybe you should start packing.” I felt my eyes water which was not so rare for these last two months. As they passed, it felt like I was living in a nightmare unable to wake up. But this… I was actually kicked out. By my own father! I’ve been perfect! I didn’t do anything wrong! Yet, there he was, dialing Renee’s number, and telling me to go pack. I ran my arm across my face wiping my eyes before tears could reach them as I ran upstairs stomping on the stairs as hard as I could for dramatic effect.
“This cannot be happening. No, it’s not!” I was mumbling to myself as I angrily threw clothes inside my suitcase.
“Bella?” Alice’s soft voice asked as she jumped right through the open window. It must be in the Cullen’s blood or something, to use windows as doors. Cullen’s blood… What an irony.
“Yeah?” I snapped at her, not giving her the slightest glance, but with my voice giving out more emotion than it had in months; even if this emotion was pure frustration and anger.
“What happened? I saw you on a plane to Florida. Are you going somewhere?”
“Yes, I am. Charlie’s kicking me out.”
“What? He wouldn’t do such a thing!”
“You’re right, he’s not exactly kicking me out; he’s sending me to Jacksonville.”
“To your mother?”
“Precisely. Great, huh?” I asked throwing a whole pile of clothes inside my suitcase.
“Hey, don’t hate the clothes! Let me help you.” She ran towards me, and with motion too fast for my human eyes to see, she folded and put in order all the clothes that I had randomly thrown on my bed.
“On whose side are you on anyway?” I said placing my hands on my hips, tapping my right foot defiantly.
“Yours, of course. Why?”
“If you really were on mine, shouldn’t you say ‘I will try to change Charlie’s mind, wait, I’ll be right back’ instead of telling me ‘Don’t hate the clothes’ and helping me pack faster?!”
She avoided looking at me in the eyes, but I was waiting impatiently for her response.
“Look… Bella… You know that you’re my best friend, right?” I didn’t answer; I just wanted to know where this was going! “You probably already know this, but you’re not coping. Not really.”
“What?!” She cut me off with a motion of her arm.
“Please, let me finish. You’re a mess since he’s left. I know it hurts; he’s been my brother for more than fifty years. But you need to move on, sweetie. And if being away from Forks will do you good, then that’s what I think should happen. Your well-being is more important than my losing my best friend, again.” She sighed heavy, paused and then went back to packing.
“You’ve got to be kidding me!” I couldn’t believe my ears. How could she say something like this? I hoped that she would understand me better than even Charlie would! Much better than him, actually.
“Sorry, Bella, but I am absolutely serious.”
I could see it to be true in her expression; she was not giving in either. Her face was not showing any signs of irony. She agreed with Charlie. I wonder if she even was the one who suggested it to him.
“Did you suggest it to him?” I spoke my thoughts aloud.
“No. Although, I’ve been chewing the idea over for the last month. This couldn’t go on and you know it. I understand you, Bella. I really do. But you can’t mourn him forever.”
“Are two months forever?” I demanded.
“You know what I mean.”
“Can you please leave? I want to be alone.”
I didn’t hear a reply, but when I turned around, I only saw my empty room and my curtains waving in the wild autumn wind. I took three long strides toward the window, shut it and then crashed on my bed sobbing silently. Déjà vu crept over me, and I sobbed even harder. Minutes that seemed like hours, passed. They could have even been days, and I wouldn’t have noticed…
I heard a knock on my door, and I whispered a soft “Come in” and Charlie entered the room.
“Bells?” I felt my mattress sinking, and I knew he sat on my bed. “I am sorry for the way I spoke to you.” He kept on staring. He stretched his hand wondering if he should touch me, comfort me, but pulled it away again. He wasn’t good with showing his emotions but our relationship worked best this way. He changed his mind, and started stroking my hair and I shrugged. “I know that I was rough with you… but I don’t know what to do. Renee was always better with handling such issues, and she knows you better. After all, she’d been living with you for more than sixteen years, and I had you only for what? Some summers?”
“That doesn’t mean you don’t know me,” I murmured without looking at him but keeping my head pressed on the pillow.
“Staying in Forks seems to hurt you more than anything. I cannot handle this you know, you in so much pain. I never learned how to raise a child and even less, a teenager.”
“So you thought that kicking me out is the best solution?”
“What? Bella, I’d never kick you out. You know I’d never do it to hurt you. I only want what is for your own good.”
I snorted.
“Let’s make an agreement. You will stay in Jacksonville for one or two months, like a trial period. And see how it goes. Alright?” Like I have much of a choice.
“Fine,” I answered in a surrendering voice showing Charlie that this conversation had come to its end.
The next couple of days were a blur, I didn’t pay attention at class, Charlie insisted that I shouldn’t go to school at all; I had only one more week left in Forks anyway. I had my clothes all ready and packed, and I had to gather only some personal belongings. Some of my favorite books – leaving Romeo and Juliet aside –, some music, my camera and the scrapbook Renee had given me. This scrapbook was the only actual evidence that he had really existed; Alice had convinced me that putting the photos in there was necessary and might help me move on. The day had finally come, Charlie drove me to Port Angeles, the Cullen’s said goodbye and wished me to have fun and enjoy the sun there. Alice made sure to stock me with new clothes I’d never wear and Emmett promised to fix my truck – first replacing my so called awful radio – and Rosalie gave me one of her usual evil, hateful glares, but they had stopped bothering me since her look haunted me each time I was around the Cullen’s residence anyway. Sometimes, I’d go there just to be in his room, with his stuff, trying to convince myself that one day he’d step in the door saying “Bella, I’m alright, I’m sorry and I missed you” and never leave me again. I appreciated Carlisle and Esme’s understanding with this.
“Do you want to make a stop and get you something to eat on the flight?” Charlie asked for the sixth time since we had left home.
“No, Dad. I’m not hungry.”
We drove the rest of the way in silence, and at the airport he helped me pass my luggage from the check-in and after an uncomfortable, forced hug of his, I got on the plane. I put my ear-buds in my ears and listened to the CD Edward had made for my birthday, but never got the chance to give me. Esme thought I should have it anyway though. She gave it to me before I left for Jacksonville, and I felt my eyes filling with tears when I heard my lullaby playing. I’d never see his delicate, white fingers press the piano keys again, playing this sweet melody.
“Attention. Please fasten your seatbelts and remove any heavy objects from your legs. We are about to land at Jacksonville’s airport.” The airhostess announced, and I looked out of the window. I was there. For better or worse, this was the next phase in getting over Edward. Yeah, like that would ever happen.
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