Chapter 4: The Truth Beneath
Author's Note: The previous chapter left some questions about Lillian, didn't it? She's more than she seems, I assure you of that. Let's say that she opens up a little in this chapter. Might even answer a couple of the questions that popped into your heads. *smiles* And, oh, by the way, just giving you a fair warning, there is a mention of hers and Kellah's religious views in this chapter, I don't usually do that, but I wanted to give a new dimention to my characters and I think that it was necessary to help you get into Lillian's head. I did not mean to offend anyone or make fun of anything. Hope nobody thinks this chapter is insulting. If you do, I'm sorry in advance.
Lots of love,
Nessie
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“You two are terrible with your hostages, aren’t you?” Lillian said after fourperfect hours of silence. “It’s been sixteen hours since we got on this train and I’m starving! You didn’t even offer me some water.”
Kellah gave her an apologetic look that I wished I could remove from her face and stroked Silvia’s hair. Silvia looked oblivious to Lillian’s request, staring dreamily into nothing; which was in fact ghosts. I was glad mom wasn’t around here somewhere, because that would mean I’d have to explain some things earlier than I had thought I should.
“I think she’s right, Brian,” Kellah said after a while.
“Oh really? Yes, you may feed her. But if she bites you afterwards, don’t come crying to me,” I snapped, staring at the floor instead of neither of them.
“Really, grow up. I’m tied up and pretty much starved, do you think I’d care to hurt you in any way right now?” Lillian exclaimed. “Please? I haven’t eaten anything for… I dunno how many hours.”
“Didn’t your tutor teach you to eat before going after anyone?” I mocked.
I had the mere impression she frowned before she said, “I thought I’d have time… later.”
“After we’d be lying dead on the cabin floor, huh?” I finished for her, a hint of bitter sarcasm obvious in my voice.
“Okay, yeah, maybe, but don’t blame me, it’s what I do for a living. Would you blame a butcher for cutting the poor animals in slices to be served to the customers?”
“Wow, that’s touching, the murderer brings up butchers. The butcher had a ready corpse, he didn’t kill it himself,” I stated.
“You two, please, cut it out! There is a five-year-old in here, for crying out loud! Stop it! You’re fighting like two guys puffed up with testosterone!” Kellah said, stomping her foot on the floor.
“I can see one of those guys,” Lillian muttered and I glared at her. She shifted on the bunk, trying to get more comfortable. I didn’t give her any chances. Those mattresses were ancient and the blankets always rough. Since the very first time I had used one of those, I was feeling itchy. For a second, I sympathized with her for wearing a short dress, her legs were probably so itchy by now, and she would be going crazy.
“She is right though, Brian. She needs to eat something. To speak in your language, it’s no use for us to have her lying on a bunk unconscious,” Kellah continued, bringing me back to reality and pulling me away from the random thoughts about ancient train bunks.
“Fine. Give her some of those crackers you packed for us all,” I gave in, moving my hand dismissively.
“What? Oh please, why don’t you get me something decent? I have money in my stuff, I can pay for it,” Lillian complained.
I gave her the scariest look I could manage, barely controlling myself and not growling. “Forgot you’re still a hostage, huh? You’re playing our game, we’re not playing yours,” I said slowly, trying to convince myself she may still be useful and I shouldn’t do anything I would regret. Yet.
She snorted. “You made that clear the moment you tied me with that… dog leash. I’d expect you to be more organized since you’ve encountered bounty hunters in the past.”
“Usually, hey don’t make it long enough to be required to be bound,” I said. I saw her flinch, but soon a smug smile spread across her face. “Don’t feel special about it though, you’ll probably join them soon enough.”
She narrowed her eyes and shook her head. “You say I’m the bad guy here, but if you take a look in the mirror, you will face the personification of the devil in your face.”
“Guys, let me remind you again. One, we have a five-year-old with us, and two, there is someone in here who is actually a Christian and isn’t a fan of all this… um… devil talk?” Kellah said, focusing more on Lillian than she dared to focus on me.
“You’re okay with him mentioning he is going to kill me like… every two sentences he speaks out loud, but you’re offended when I say he’s the devil personified? God, are you guys doing drugs or something? You may be the weirdest, almost-victims, I have ever had.”
“Is that a compliment? Because I’m having a hard time following this conversation,” Kellah said, pushing her lips together so that her mouth became a straight line.
“So is there any chance I eat something before I faint?” Lillian demanded again.
Silvia’s head lifted, as if she suddenly had noticed that we were all still here. She looked at Lillian as if she was the most extraordinary thing she had ever seen and a small indecipherable smile broke on her tiny face. “You can have my chocolate,” she said, lifting a small green wrapping towards the bunk.
“Aww, honey, that’s so sweet,” Lillian said, looking at me sideways with that stupid look of satisfaction.
“No. No, Silvia, you are not giving her anything. Alright? You cannot trust her. Understand?”
Silvia’s smile fell and her look seemed a little bit lost again, making me sure she was looking something far beyond what Kellah or Lillian could actually see in the cabin. She nodded shakily and looked over my shoulder at what, if the ghosts hadn’t moved since the time I had last checked, was dad. Who should so not be there, but it was not like I would bother to tell him to leave. I had made it clear that I would ignore him, no matter how much he’d stick around I would not be involved in matters of the dead. I was glad Silvia was barely a few months old when he died and could not recognize him. To her, he was probably just another of the Shadow People. And yeah, five-year-olds did actually have their own names for whatever they saw. Better to think of them as that than knowing the truth, huh? I really hoped mom wouldn’t show up anytime soon.
“Brian, I’m tired of you and your stupid ideas. I’m getting that poor girl something to eat. And the kid’s coming with me. I can’t trust you two with her. Who knows what she may hear you saying while I’m away!” Kellah took Silvia’s little hand and stood up, pulling my little sister to her feet.
“Finally, someone here has some basic sense of logic!” Lillian almost sighed in relief. I was sure I heard her stomach growling in agreement as well. “You shattered a little the perfect picture I had of you when you mentioned you’re a Christian, but oh well, nobody’s perfect, huh?”
“You don’t believe in God?” Kellah asked. She was not a hardcore religious person or anything, but she really believed there was someone out there watching over us. I was having a hard time sharing her beliefs, especially lately, and maybe the fact that I saw the dead roaming around and mom didn’t get the chance to get us in crazy crowded places like churches a lot on Sundays was partially responsible for my lack of an actual religious view, but since it didn’t seem to be of immediate use to me, it was not in my to-do-in-the-near-future list.
“If I did, I should have killed myself out of guilt for all the bad things I’ve done. I like atheism at the moment. I have one less thing to worry about. I can’t go around killing people to get paid and wondering when the Big Guy decides to strike me with lightning now, can I?” Kellah looked thunderstruck. Nobody that I knew was ever this straightforward about their religious views… I could sense my aunt’s discomfort as much I could see it; the lump in her throat was going up and down and her mouth moved slightly as if she was going to say something but never did. “So,” Lillian continued with that innocent tone of hers as if she just said that those baby bunnies across the room were adorable, “I got money in my bag. I saw some awesome lasagna in the train’s cafeteria, so if there’s any left, I’d love to try some. They smelled delightful, but who would eat lasagna at nine in the morning, right?”
Kellah nodded a few times, still stunned by Lillian’s previous reply. “Um, right. Okay. I don’t really have to use your money, getting you dinner won’t cost that much.”
“And then, when we get off the train, you will be wondering why would I be heading to a bank with a black sock on my head, a gun in my hand and Santa’s sack over my shoulder,” I said, frowning.
“Would you really try to rob a bank like that?!” Lillian exclaimed mystified, and I just ignored her.
“As a matter of fact, Brian, I have some money aside as well. And you may want to know that training dogs pays better than you’d think. I’m going to go now and you two’d better not be making out or punching each other when I get back.” And with that, she opened the door and rushed outside with Silvia close on her tracks. Her ignorance for reality usually worried the hell out of me, but lately I thought it would be better and better for her not to be aware of the situation. She’s just a kid. She shouldn’t be going through this at all in the first place.
“You and me again,” Lillian said with that seductive voice of hers. Oh please, just tell me there’s a switch that I can just flip and turn her off!
“Are you sure you want to remind me what happened the last time we were alone? Because hitting your head with something really big and hard seems like a tempting idea now that my little sister isn’t around.” I gave her the best crazy-scary look I could and momentarily thought I had made her shut up.
“Still having trouble with that leg? I could give you a hand…”
“Don’t go there. Do I look stupid? Because I’m not making the same mistake twice. And I’m not untying your hands, just so you know,” I warned, shooting another deadly glare at her.
“You’re going to have to untie my hands so that I eat anyway. Or are you going to feed me, daddy? Will you say that the airplane’s landing too?” she sneered.
“You either grew up in a highly problematic or one of those disgustingly perfect families.”
“No and no. Neither. But you have to admit it, I’m right. I need my hands to eat.”
“We’re gonna see,” I murmured and didn’t talk again until Kellah was back.
“I got lasagna, lucky you,” she told Lillian, giving me a warning look.
“Thanks. Jee, you may actually be the mom I never had.”
“Didn’t have a mom?” Kellah asked, her eyes growing huge. Maybe all those revelations were too much for her dog-training, human mind right now.
“No, I did, obviously, I’m kidding. Just trying to lighten the mood, because Mr. Shadow over here is just making it all look miserable to me.”
“Excuse me; do I look like a clown here? I’m not the guy who’s going to turn this into a party,” I hissed under my breath.
“Anyway, you can bicker like old ladies on your own, because Silvia found a little girl and the kid really needs to interact with normal people. Hear that?Normal. This word really needs to be added in your vocabulary. Or at least in Silvia’s, so bye, figure it all out on your own.”
I narrowed my eyes and mouthed a Kellah, please! but she shook her head and left me at the mercy of God. Or more accurately, at the mercy of… Lillian.
“Look at that. You and me alone… again. You’d think someone is really trying to make a point here…”
“Cut it out,” I snapped.
“Okay, then bring the food here and I promise I’m not going to say a word. I’m starving. And think up something fast if you don’t want to untie my hands. And I am not throwing my face in that place as if I’m some kind of animal, just for the record.”
The food was in one of those disposable plastic bowls with a lid on top of it and for a second, I was tempted. “So if I place it right in front of you and leave it there, open, the smell of the food coming out of it, you wouldn’t eat it?”
“If you want a guinea pig, try another cabin. Can I just eat? Pretty please?”
I smirked. “Think you make a nice guinea pig. I don’t need another one.” I climbed on the bed with the plastic bowl and the disposable knife in the one hand and scooted myself close to her on the bed.
“So you are going to feed me,” she said, smiling. She looked at me through those thick lashes and I was beginning to think that this was a really, really bad idea. Worse than bad. Horrible idea.
I tried to hold back a shiver of excitement that struggled to come to the surface. I really hoped Lillian wouldn’t notice. “Pathetic as it may sound, I will. Just to get some answers,” I said.
“Hmm… then I should probably stall giving you those answers you want so badly,” she murmured softly.
“That would lead you straight to your death. That’s a promise I’m gonna keep.”
“You have a thing for death, don’t you?” she asked and shifted a little, trying to bring her body closer to mine. “You should try lighting things on fire. Light up a house and you’re going to have killed many people at once.”
“I just kill bad guys,” I growled, shifting uncomfortably.
“Then try setting a prison on fire.”
“I don’t want to set anything on fire, okay? You said you wouldn’t talk if you ate?”
“That was the deal…” she said, tilting her head and blinking several times, those dark lashes of hers were becoming the center of my attention.
I opened the lid of the bowl with a swift move and grabbed a spoonful, lifted it a few inches in the air and… “Okay, you know what? That is really weird,” I said.
“It would make it much easier for you if you just untied my hands. I mean, you’re right next to me, where could I go?”
“I can think of many places,” I muttered before I could stop myself.
She lifted her eyebrows in amusement and smiled a little. “So what’s it gonna be?” she asked. “This stuff smells good.”
I rolled my eyes and brought the spoon to her lips. Don’t think about it, don’t think about it. It’s not that hard… Mom fed Silvia like that a few years ago and you a few years before that. Think it’s like feeding a baby… My internal rambling just made things more difficult and seeing Lillian as a baby was a really hard thing to do… She grabbed a bite and chewed the food, never removing her eyes from mine. The whole thing was making me uncomfortable… There was something about her eyes…
“Brian…? Why are you staring at me like that?” For a second, I couldn’t make myself comprehend what she was saying; my eyes were just observing her lips move…
“Huh?”
“Can I have some more? Your thoughts are apparently somewhere far away.”
Not so far away, I thought but instead I snapped at her, “It’s not my job to feed you.”
“You chose it, now deal with the consequences. I can imagine your aunt is going to be mad if I am still complaining when she gets back.”
I frowned and brought another bite to her mouth. Bite after bite she was halfway done when I decided I couldn’t do it anymore. Looking at her was driving me crazy, the way she stared at me, the way her lashes went up and down as she blinked, the way she licked her lips when she got sauce on them…
“You know what? You’re right, you can’t go anywhere. Just… I’ll let you eat the rest on your own…” Averting my gaze from her face and trying to look at less of Lillian and more of the blanket we were sitting on, I set the bowl down and looked at her bound hands. “Just… Don’t try to do anything stupid, I’m right next to you.”
“Okay. Honestly, I’m not in the mood for running right now while I’m on a train that goes who knows how many miles per hour anyway.”
The point she made, made me relax a little and I let some of the doubts that were haunting me about my decision go away. She could just be playing with me, but even if she was, I would get her before she could take it too far. I was stronger and I was totally no match for her when it came to fighting, especially when I wouldn’t need to chase her around since we were on the bunk… I reached for her wrists and quickly untied the knot, trying to avoid contact with her skin, but my fingers kept brushing against her smooth skin. She brought her hands in front of her and moved her wrists in small circles.
“They feel really sore. Thanks for that though. I was forgetting what it felt like to use them, I’m afraid.” She gave me a shy smile which seemed… honest.
“Don’t think it goes away that simply,” I said and stupidly I smiled back at her. I tried to get serious again but she had already noticed. “So…” I cleared my throat. “Let’s get done with this.”
She nodded and took hold of the bowl. The process went much faster after I let her eat on her own but it didn’t really serve the purpose I let her do it in the first place for. I kept observing her with… fascination. I was scaring myself. I couldn’t let my mind be distracted like that. She would have the upper hand yet… I had a feeling about her… A war was taking place inside of me, on the one hand I kept thinking the not-so-noble reasons that brought her here and on the other I had this irrational want to show her trust she did not deserve… Am I going crazy? Because the whole thing feels really crazy.
My leg was beginning to hurt again and I tried to dismiss the thought of it. I wished I could just let myself heal it but it wasn’t right. Necromancer magic wasn’t something I could mess around with… especially for no good reason. It would be against everything I fought for… Yet, I knew that this was the reason mom had always insisted on how I should not do it. Because in such moments, in moments of weakness, people made bad choices. I could just hope my conscience was stronger than the pain. Because last time I saw mom healing with her magic, it was out of impulse. And even today, I don’t want to think of the consequences of that action. Because I know that it got Silvia, and therefore me and mom, pulled into something way deeper than we could handle. It was bad already before, but after she healed her, it just ruined any chance for our lives to be normal.
“Brian?” Lillian asked. “You okay?”
“Fine,” I snapped.
“I’m done. You could tie me up again if you want. If you don’t though, I’m totally cool with that,” she said in a humorous tone. “You sure, you’re alright? You seemed a little… lost. Is the leg hurting you?”
“It’s one of my worries,” I replied. “Along with other things.”
“Want another rub? You have to admit that it wasn’t bad. I can make you feel better.” There was no seductive tone in her voice… No signs of suggesting she was going to do try anything else. There was just pure honesty feeling her voice. I admit the girl could put up a good act.
I shook my head and chuckled darkly. “Forget it. We both know how that ended the first time.”
“I mean it. I could… heal it.”
“What? What did you say?” I was still trying to get a handle on what she was saying. She couldn’t. There was no possible way she could somehow heal me. She was not a necromancer. Speeding up the process of healing was unnatural and was bringing only trouble. I knew this firsthand.
“I…” she hesitated. Then nodded and repeated, “I can heal it.” She shook her head again, as if there was an inner battle she was trying to win but finally had to give up. “There you go, you have your precious answer. So I guess that will bring me closer to my death, but, oh well… I had a nice meal before it so I guess I can live with that.”
“Will you cut to the chase?” I insisted. She was giving up? She was just going to give me those answers like that after all?
“I can sort of… um… heal. Not sort of, I just can heal things. People. People. Not things. There’s no way I could heal things…”
“You’re rambling,” I noticed. A blush colored her face. It looked good on her.
“Oops. I’m sorry…”
I nodded in understanding. “It’s okay. You were saying?”
“It’s pretty much freaky, I don’t usually tell people, but I could do it since I was little…”
“That’s why you said you would just heal yourself before… You could literally do it, huh?” I observed. Finally the pieces were coming together. Something in the ghosts around us shifted, some glared and I could see a couple sneering and snarling at Lillian; giving her hateful glares. I was glad she could not see them. And I was glad that Silvia was not around to see them either. “But why stabbing? Why not chocking? If you can heal yourself what would be the difference?”
She looked up nervously and tucked a lock of hair that fell in her face behind her ear. “Because stabbing leaves a wound track for me to heal. Choking… Choking is just someone pressing your throat so that you cannot breathe. There’s nothing to heal. I can fix things, I cannot resurrect anyone though. And trust me, if I wanted, I would go around and use my hands to do the dirty work. I don’t need a dagger.” This comment of hers made me suddenly more aware of her free little hands and I looked down. But I wasn’t worried. For some reason I… I did not think I should feel threatened. “I just carry the dagger around just in case…”
“You come across the wrong person,” I finished for her.
A faint sign of surprise showed on her face, as if she didn’t expect me to catch up with her way of thinking so quickly; she then sighed in a I-should-have-known way. “I don’t like having others paying the price because I was doing my job. If I accidentally stab the wrong person, I can usually take it back. So no big deal.”
“I can give you quite a list of people who would think otherwise,” I murmured.
“I totally believe it. I can put such a list together myself. And now that I think of it, it would be scarily long.”
In the few seconds of silence that followed, I didn’t quite realize what was happening. One moment we were just there and the next we were… leaning closer and closer… The moment I realized it, I pulled away, shaking off any thoughts that may had crossed my mind.
“I’m good. I don’t think I need any healing. It will seal up soon, I guess. And sorry, but I think it would be best if I tied you again.”
“Hm… Yeah… I suppose. If it makes you feel better, go ahead. I’d trust me more while tied, if I were you too,” she said melancholically, but to my surprise she was serious.
She actually put her hands behind her back for me to tie them. I made a quick knot and moved away, climbing down the bed. I moved on the other set of bunks and sat tensely on the edge of the bottom one.
“It wasn’t just glass that got your leg cut, was it?” she asked abruptly.
“No. It wasn’t.”
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