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That's a blog I made to post my stories and anything else I feel like posting! (Which means you might actually come across pictures of something I managed to cook instead of burning, or some joke I found particularly funny... Don't worry if you do, I didn't go mental. Maybe because I already sort of am!)


Take a look around, check out my stories, picking the category you like best and leave me your thoughts! Even a teeny tiny comment counts! Although I really like long comments!

I wanted to thank my wonderful beta, Wendy D, for putting up with me and editing my Twilight fan fics and original stories and for her support! I also wanna leave some love for some co-writers, readers and friends who always manage to distract me by chatting while I'm writing and I just love them for that! So, Lucia, Kenzie, Alexandria and Chloe, I love ya all tons!

Nessie

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Matter Of Life And Death ~ Chapter 9 ~ He Dares, He Dares Not




Chapter  9: He Dares, He Dares Not



Lillian looked at me as if I had lost my mind, but left to take a shower without saying another word and left me alone with my thoughts. I barely noticed the sound of the water from the totally soundproof wall separating the main room from the bathroom. I kept wondering what was going on with me. What was up with this dream? Were the ghosts trying to say something to me? Even in their own, freaky, annoying as hell way, they were pointing out some stuff. Yeah, I already knew them, but they made it all so intense, as if they wanted to make me see something I was missing. Were they trying to help, or were they just tormenting me with my own doubts and fears?

I shook my head. This thing was pure insanity, and I had to freaking learn to live in it.

I thought about mom. Whoever the ghost was who pretended to be mom, was not actually her. I knew that. I could recognize mom from miles away even in my dreams. And dad was not involved either. I felt relief they stayed out of it, of all things; they seemed to be everywhere lately. Sure, I understood why mom did it. I mean, she was dead only for a few days, she was clinging on to her life, the people she raised and was raised with, her loved ones in this world. I found it was difficult for people to get away from what they did as living, walking, substantial characters, and move on to the more spiritual, floating here and there, transparent, silver life of theirs. And unfortunately, the worst part of it, in my case, was that they were my pain in the meantime.

Because dead people knew who they could be seen by, and I stood out like a sore thumb. They could tell a necromancer from miles away. It was freaky. You saw them all in a crowded room, occupied with each other or random people, even though they knew they couldn't see them, and then, all of a sudden, they spotted you, and they came all around you, as if you are a mammoth in flesh. It always made me feel as if I was some kind of magnet. And a guinea pig at the same time. Or a lab rat. Makes no difference to me. They surrounded me and stared while some smiled or waved, others played it creepy, put their scary faces on and tried to make me run for my life, while others just struggled to get to me, show me something, trying to make me trust them. As if I couldn’t sense how they weren’t here for my good looks, but because they needed to feel what it was to be alive again, even if only for a moment. The thing is – and sadly they don’t get it – that no matter how close to a real living breathing body they are, even if they are let inside one again, they won’t feel alive again. Ever.

I was beginning to realize, that other than Silvia, my aunt was sort of becoming a priority here. Exactly what I was afraid of happening. Becoming attached to another person and having to double babysit. My worst nightmare sounded better than that. Or… taking in account my very last nightmare, maybe reality was a little better. But just a tiny bit. Still, the possibility scared me. And what was going to happen with Lillian? I mean, she is so not appearing to intend to leave us any time soon. And I’m not quite sure I can handle that for much longer. Plus, I really shouldn’t trust her. Even after losing her awesomely big pay, those elegant fingers of hers could try to snap my neck in my sleep for all I knew. Maybe this all following us around and being nice and thankful was just an act. Bounty hunters needed to put on a good show. They were like actors. And extras. All put in one. Like shampoo and conditioner. Always scarier than one of the two separately.

I tried to put my shambolic tangled thoughts aside for a second and focus on the current problem. Which was, where do we go from here? But with my luck, there was yet something else I had to take care of right before that. If my aunt didn’t remember the whole story… I wasn’t sure I wanted her to know everything exactly the way it happened. Maybe the ghosts were completely wrong in their sick mind game during the trial, in the way they described the events… but they still made their point clear.

I had abandoned Kellah. I just saw the blood being black and no matter what I said, or tried to do, inside me, not too deep admittedly, I knew she was a lost case. I did not know what Lillian may have done differently, what did her magic have that mine didn’t… Because mom had taught me this. And she was absolute, and as far as I knew, dead honest about one thing. If their claws touch you, you’re done. Two days ago, when they almost got me when mom forced me to hide in the stupid cupboard, what sliced me on my leg… If I was sure of God’s existence, I’d thank him every day for making sure this was a knife and not their claws. For the time being, until my long list with other priorities was done for all, I am thanking the brainlessness and incapability of those Pectlaceros who thought a knife was a good choice. Because if my leg was really slashed open by them, no knifes included, it would be as good as having no leg. It would be there as a dead weight, just reminding me I was not quick enough. Sure, the normal knife slash reminded me that anyway, but still, it gave me the chance to be quicker the next time. At least it would heal eventually. The point was, that I was intending to let my aunt bleed to death without knowing what else to do, and then go get Silvia and get lost. And the more I thought about it, the more foolish it seemed to me that I had abandoned my five year old sister in a freaking alley alone to go back and save my aunt by the people; no correction,things fits better; that wanted Silvia as bad as they’d ever wanted anything else in the world.

I was losing my direction. I was changing priorities. My priority should be to keep Silvia safe and alive. Away from them. That was all I should care about. No aunts, no almost killers, no anything else. But didn’t that make me look like the bad guy? I shook my head in frustration. I. Am. Losing. It. I was starting to care about others and it was going to be my downfall, I just knew it. I was losing focus fast. Distractions were becoming more apparent. Speaking of distractions…
Lillian came quietly back into the room, wrapped in one of those stupidly too small white towels that were in the bathroom and dripping wet. Although I knew it should have been wrong in many, many ways, I had a hard time looking away. Complications!

“Sorry. Forgot to take my clothes inside. I had to get out and get them eventually,” she said, blushing.

I tried really hard to keep my brain focused on her mouth other than… other parts of her body and say a “Huh?” and gawk like an idiot and nodded. “Makes sense. Um, go ahead, I… I’m going to get some air,” I said and stood up, opening the balcony door in a rush and getting out. From the fourth floor, I felt as if I had this tiny little world on my feet and I could do anything. I just happened to look at what was behind me, the motel room I was staying at because I currently had nowhere else to go and the dreamy atmosphere evaporated, reminding me there was nothing that could make me find a bright side in the situation I ended up involved in. My fate was sealed.

“Makes you feel like the king of the world, doesn’t it?” Lillian asked, now wearing a long olive-green skirt and a white V-neck top that was totally made to draw attention.

“It… Yeah, sort of. Until logic and reality kicks back in. Then the image is completely ruined,” I said nervously, looking away at the rooftops of the shorter buildings. “You… You didn’t seem like the long-skirt kind of girl.” The words were out of my mouth before I even knew it.

She blushed and her big brown eyes were all I could focus on. “Hmm… Yes, I bet. Deep down inside though, I’m a hippie.”

“So am I going to see you in the colors of the rainbow walking barefoot on the streets saying ‘Make Love Not War’ anytime soon?”

She chuckled. “No, not really. I’m the last person who could go and tell people not to make war. I’m not okay with it, but since people order deaths and I just serve them their order on a silver platter, I must have lost the right to do something like that, huh?”

“Maybe. I’m not quite a saint myself,” I said.

“As a matter of fact, you made that clear pretty soon after we met.” She was looking back at me. Why was she looking back at me? Couldn’t she just enjoy the view or something?

“I’m having a hard time figuring you out,” I mumbled. “Not that I care. I shouldn’t.” I kept my voice low and quick, in hopes she wouldn’t hear me. I couldn’t understand why I was allowing myself to speak those, of all thoughts, aloud at all.

“Really? Well, if it is any comfort, you’re not very easy to figure out either, Mr. Tough Guy. I keep saying you’re soft somewhere deep inside, but every time I think I’m getting to your soft side, you go all hardcore and strong and independent on me.”

“Does that make you think that maybe you were wrong then? That maybe I really just am hardcore and strong and independent? ”

Her upper lip curled up, revealing a hesitant smile. She looked away for a second, at the dark glass windows of a window opposite our motel, but turned at me again. “I know you are all that. But you are soft too, gentle even. You can’t admit it, I can imagine why, but you’re not as tough as you think. Not all the time. We all have a weakness. Even superheroes do. Superman has his kryptonite and Achilles had his heel. You’re not different. You forget, I have seen you with Silvia, and no matter how hard you may want us to believe you don’t care, you care deeply for your sister, even your Aunt Kellah, and you just can’t fake that.”

“Maybe I just am better than superheroes,” I said, grinning and trying not to stare at her lips while wondering what it would be like to taste them right now.Stop! Down boy! Get a grip on reality!
She punched my arm playfully but out of instinct my arm stretched, catching hers before she could pull it back and holding it there. Somehow the movement seemed to get her closer to me. Or she just was closer than I thought in the first place. I thought I felt her pulse quickening as I held her wrist. Or maybe it was just my own pulse.

“I thought you were getting somewhere with what you said before,” she whispered breathlessly. I was having some difficulty making myself breathe. I was looking at her; her black hair, locks hanging loosely from the bun she had done, their black color somehow seeming even darker now that they were wet; her brown eyes, lightening by the sunlight having that brown-red color of roof tiles; her pale skin, making such a vivid contrast with her dark features… “About not figuring me out.”

She didn’t try to move away, so I didn’t either. I just stood there, mesmerized, looking at her for a second, and trying to think about what she was saying. “Um… I…”

“Shoot. Really, just ask, anything.” she encouraged me.


I had to literally shake my head to loosen the cobwebs in order to form an actual sentence. “You… I mean, you heal people. You can heal them. From everything really. Like, you can heal better than I can. You… you saved Kellah. I couldn’t. It wasn’t just the shock; I really couldn’t heal what was done to her by their claw; once the blood runs pitch black, it is beyond my magic. That is what my mother always taught me. And you just… you did it, as if it was any other cut.”

“It was like any other cut, Brian. There was no difference.”

“There was,” I said, shaking my head. “I’ll explain it later to you, but there was.”

“Is this going somewhere? Because I really am not…”

“Yes, sorry. I wanted to say… You can heal. You can do good. Why would you go and do bad? Why would you hunt down innocents, for sick people with unfinished business?”


She looked down, looking ashamed with herself. I knew I would be. But I didn’t really like seeing that expression on her face. She shook her head. “I don’t know. I really… It’s weird, how I first got into this kind of stuff. And then it just seemed like I had no other choice. It was easier than doing the right thing I guess. When you let someone else make the choice for you, then you can put the consequences on their shoulders and not carry it on yours. So taking orders and getting paid for it was the easy way out I guess.”

“What do you mean? How deep are you into this stuff?” I asked seriously. For once, it wasn’t me who didn’t want direct eye contact.

“I am a suspect for murders in five different countries on two different continents and also in three states.”

“Oh. Deep,” I agreed.

“Far too deep to get away now even if I wanted to.” Her eyes looked even bigger and she seemed as if she was going to cry. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. “It’s scary. My whole life feels scary. I don’t know what I am supposed to do anymore.”

“Do what you want to do,” I said. She had the possibility. She was young, she still had time to change and… She didn’t have any priorities to get in her way. She had a whole life before her and she could do anything she wanted. Sure, she’d have to do some running from Pectlaceros every now and then, but that was nothing compared to the prospects of my own life; running from Pectlacero all the time. “You have your life. Live it.”

“You make it sound easy Brian.” She whispered breathlessly.

“If I could, that’s what I’d do,” I said. “But… I can’t so... there’s no reason to even mention it.” I let go of her hand, wanting to pull a little away and needing some space.

She didn’t speak for a while and neither did I. I liked the silence. All we could hear was the cars down in the street, some talking and laughing from the buildings all around us… Nothing more, nothing less. The sun had almost set; the sky was dressed in pinks and purples and dark blues. At least that was still like it used to be.

Lillian broke the silence finally. “I’ve been thinking… Your aunt was unconscious when I healed her, right?”

“Yes…?”

“I am not sure I want her to know what I can do… The healing thing. Did she know that you couldn’t, as you say at least, fix her up?”

“No.” I shook my head. “As far as I know, she had no clue about this. I think her knowledge on Pectlaceros was a little in general. I doubt she could have known.”

“Then could you… um… do me a favor?” She looked at me through those thick lashes of hers and I wasn’t sure my lips remembered how to say anything but yes right now. “Could we… just… tell a little white lie about it? Say that you were the one who did it? Please?”
I looked away from her, far in the horizon, over the limits of the city spreading before us. If you thought about it, this was what I needed. Something to cover the fact that I gave up my hopes on Kellah. That I would abandon her. That I had said it was no use trying to save her.
“Alright,” I agreed. “I think that will work best for both of us,” I whispered, shame evident in my voice.

“I get why it’s gonna work for me, but why you…?”

“I have my reasons too, Lillian,” was all I said.
* * * * *


“What exactly happened back there?” Kellah asked. After she and Silvia woke up we all stayed in their room. Silvia was occupied with watching cartoons, which, judging by how much Silvia laughed, must have been very funny.

“Remember how we ran from them and lost Brian in the crowd?” Lillian asked. Kellah nodded. “I can’t remember very well what happened there either, I was in shock, but you got a pretty bad cut and let’s just say that I had to deal with a very, very, very angry boss.”

“I more or less can remember that,” she said. “So, Brian brought me back?”

I felt my face getting warm in shame, knowing what would follow. I hated that we were going to lie to her. Sure, I wasn’t the personification of honesty, but I felt really guilty about what happened back there. And now just lying to her… It seemed wrong. I opened my mouth to say something but no sound came out. My throat felt dry.

“Yes. Brian did it,” Lillian said, with a plausible look that would be above any suspicion.

“Do you have any memories of me coming?” I inquired. Because if she did, I had a couple questions of my own to ask. And I wanted to keep my mind busy as I let the horrible lie Lillian and I told Kellah sink in. Maybe if I heard it long enough, at some point I’d think that it was actually me who did it.

She looked down at her hands and shook her head. “No. It’s all just a blur.”

“Oh. Too bad.”

“Why are you asking?”

“I was wondering about something you had said. But since you can’t remember, it’s no use, right?”

“Probably.”

Silvia started giggling suddenly, and I saw her falling back on the bed and rolling on it. It didn’t take me long to realize that whatever was so funny came from the TV. I couldn’t help but smile at her innocence and the sound of her beautiful laughter. I never wanted that sound to stop…ever. And I would continue to do whatever it took to make sure of it.

“Do you have a clue what we’re supposed to do now?” Kellah asked. “Because I may have brought us here, but we don’t have unlimited funds. It would be good not to spend it all right now on hotels and fast food.”

“True. I need a job. And I think I know just the place,” I said.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 
To read the next chapter, click here.

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