6. PLANNING
Author's Note: This one, is one of my personal favorites. Lots of surprises in it! Gotta love Renee and the way her random mind works! Wondering what happened with Jason and Bella? There's an answer for that too! *winks* Leave some love and your thoughts!
Lots of love,
Nessie
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December
Jason was all the time trying to find a chance to be with me. Every time I turned around, he was there, smiling and trying to make me smile. I was trying to smile more for Renee, but at night, I couldn’t help it. I didn’t want her to lose sleep over me, and after a while, I told her just that. It didn’t get much better, but I had some friends… Actually they were Jason’s friends, but since he was trying to spend as much time as he could with me, they came too. Phil was still talking to me, trying to make me tell him how I was feeling, and soon I found out why.
A Saturday I was cleaning Renee and Phil’s room, and I saw the book that Phil had forgotten on his end table. Teenage Depression and how to handle it. I wonder if Renee even knew about the book. There was a scrap of paper between the pages that was used as a bookmark. My curiosity got the best of me, and I let the book open to that page. Chapter IV. Gaining your Teenager’s Trust. Yeah. That explained everything.
In order to understand the depth of the problem, you need to become closer to the teenager. Make him/her feel trusted and that you understood and he/she will open up to you. It might take time, but it will happen eventually. This will be your moment to find the way to improve the situation and judge if external help in necessary.
I didn’t need to read more. I closed the book, and realized what Phil has been trying to these past few weeks. It was okay. I knew that he cared, but I didn’t know what I could do about it. Definitely not talk to him about vampires and bloodlust and the connection me and Edward had. Or why talking to Alice is a need for me. A need that grew bigger as time passed.
It wasn’t because of the time I was away from Forks. I don’t think that was the problem. I was almost sure that Alice had been avoiding me. At first, she was calling a lot, checking on me three or even four times per day. Now, it was five or six times per week. Most times, I called and no one was home. Or Esme picked up, and said that Alice was shopping or at school or hunting… Such things… I might be paranoid, but I was almost sure she was there all those times, avoiding me. She was doing it on purpose, but I couldn’t understand why. She had left me alone. I couldn’t tell anyone about the dreams or about anything else actually.
Jason was trying to figure out what was going on with me too, just like Phil, out of pure interest. No one wanted the truth in this place anyway. Our school was the Kingdom of Rumors. There had been rumors about me too, but I wasn’t bothering to stop them or give the rumors any merit by defending them. There were things I heard like I was cutting myself and that I had been pregnant, and after having an abortion, I came to live with my mother. These ideas sounded so ridiculous that they made me laugh. It was a bitter laugh, but still. I wouldn’t have realized anything about them at all if it hadn’t been Jason informing me, trying to find out if any were true himself.
A Saturday I was cleaning Renee and Phil’s room, and I saw the book that Phil had forgotten on his end table. Teenage Depression and how to handle it. I wonder if Renee even knew about the book. There was a scrap of paper between the pages that was used as a bookmark. My curiosity got the best of me, and I let the book open to that page. Chapter IV. Gaining your Teenager’s Trust. Yeah. That explained everything.
In order to understand the depth of the problem, you need to become closer to the teenager. Make him/her feel trusted and that you understood and he/she will open up to you. It might take time, but it will happen eventually. This will be your moment to find the way to improve the situation and judge if external help in necessary.
I didn’t need to read more. I closed the book, and realized what Phil has been trying to these past few weeks. It was okay. I knew that he cared, but I didn’t know what I could do about it. Definitely not talk to him about vampires and bloodlust and the connection me and Edward had. Or why talking to Alice is a need for me. A need that grew bigger as time passed.
It wasn’t because of the time I was away from Forks. I don’t think that was the problem. I was almost sure that Alice had been avoiding me. At first, she was calling a lot, checking on me three or even four times per day. Now, it was five or six times per week. Most times, I called and no one was home. Or Esme picked up, and said that Alice was shopping or at school or hunting… Such things… I might be paranoid, but I was almost sure she was there all those times, avoiding me. She was doing it on purpose, but I couldn’t understand why. She had left me alone. I couldn’t tell anyone about the dreams or about anything else actually.
Jason was trying to figure out what was going on with me too, just like Phil, out of pure interest. No one wanted the truth in this place anyway. Our school was the Kingdom of Rumors. There had been rumors about me too, but I wasn’t bothering to stop them or give the rumors any merit by defending them. There were things I heard like I was cutting myself and that I had been pregnant, and after having an abortion, I came to live with my mother. These ideas sounded so ridiculous that they made me laugh. It was a bitter laugh, but still. I wouldn’t have realized anything about them at all if it hadn’t been Jason informing me, trying to find out if any were true himself.
* * * * *
It was one day in the cafeteria. Jason’s gang was in P.E. class, and I was still excused from it thanks to Carlisle’s note. P.E. was the sixth and last school period, so I was allowed to leave but that day was cloudy. Nothing compared to what a Forks cloudy day looked like but better than nothing. The house with the view to the sea wasn’t helping with remembering Forks, so I decided to enjoy my time in the school cafeteria. Eating pizza, lots of pizza, drowning my sorrows in thick red sauce with tons of mushrooms.
Jason had appeared out of the blue and sat next to me by the window.
“Hey, beautiful. Why are you still here? Are you feeling alright?” He had seen my breakdowns a couple of times; some things that happened were upsetting me too much to keep it inside me. He probably thought it was one of those times. Once, it so that bad that he had to put me in his car and drive me home.
“Yeah, I was just looking at the weather. It’s different today.” I gestured towards the wide windows.
“It’s the worst weather we can get here. Most times, it would be cold tonight.”
“That’s good,” I said biting my pizza.
“Do you like bad weather?” He cocked his head to the side giving me a weird look.
This season, last year I would have responded: “I don’t like anything cold. Or wet.” But instead I said, “It’s not that I like it. I miss it though.”
“Wow.” He chuckled. “I surely didn’t see that coming.”
“Sorry,” I mumbled.
“You’re apologizing for surprising me?” he asked, still trying to keep the smile from his face.
“Think so…”
“What’s wrong with you? I mean you’re not behaving normally.”
“Normally according to whom? Have you seen me more normal to know that this isn’t normal?” I didn’t want this subject to be pop up, not today.
“Whoa… Too many normal in the same sentence. I meant that people start wondering. You’re acting weird. I mean, I get it if the school change and the moving out and all is hard for you, but it doesn’t make sense. I was the only one who could get to you and really ask you.”
“You came here to ask me why I am alone?” I placed my pizza on the plastic dish and let my hands fall on my sides.
“I think I know why. It’s none of my business to ask you for more anyway,” he said, startled by my annoyed tone.
“Then why are you here? Aren’t you supposed to be in class or something?”
“No. I was running some errands for Prof. Logan,” the biology teacher, “and then he gave me permission to leave, but I saw you in the cafeteria as I was passing by.”
“Oh.” Yeah, right, like I couldn’t come up with something better to say…! Actually I really couldn’t.
“But what I have been looking for a chance to tell you all this time is something else.”
Oh oh. All this time I was sure that he was trying to ask me out, I mean, he was clearly hitting on me since I first came here, but I thought he had either gotten the message or didn’t dare to ask yet.
“You have to put an end to these rumors!” he continued and I widened my eyes in surprise.
“Rumors…?” I trailed off. I had no idea what he was talking about.
“Haven’t you noticed? People are talking about you! I don’t know why you’re so isolated and what has caused your depression or whatever is going on with you, but you need to make them shut up!”
“About what? Jason, what’s this nonsense?! And why should I even care…” I pushed my brows together in frustration.
“Bella, wake up! Seriously, on which planet are you living? You have no idea what they’re saying about you?!”
I stood still for a while putting the pieces together. Rumors… Talking about me… Don’t know what caused my depression… I knew that they liked to gossip, but it was mostly fake gossip. I didn’t pay attention but hanging out with students who did some things reached my ears. Mostly about the cheerleaders. Many girls envied them. But what did I have to do with their rumors…? Then it all clicked. Oh great. I shook my head hoping it wasn’t that bad.
“Like?” My voice broke but I didn’t know why. I didn’t even care. In a couple of months, I’d get back. My trial period would be over. Charlie had promised!
“Eh… It’s hard to say… They… there have been so many things said that I have heard.”
“Like?” I repeated more urgently.
He told me about the pregnancy theory, the one about me cutting myself, things like that I was taking drugs. My face fell and at some point, I stopped him not wanting to say more.
“They can say what they want. I don’t care. Um… Sorry but I have to go. I promised Renee that I’d be home early. She could totally use some help with the cooking.”
“Would you like a ride?” he offered. I missed my old, red, Chevy truck. The one that Edward always blamed for being too slow. The one that Emmett promised to keep from breaking apart and reminded me that it needed a new radio. I didn’t have a car here. I wasn’t moving around a lot, I only went to school and then home, so I really didn’t need one. Besides, they probably thought if I had a car, I would take off never to be found again. What an enticing concept. And Jason offered to drive me home whenever I stayed at school until the end of the sixth period, like my own little chauffer and protection detail, from myself no doubt.
“I think I’m gonna walk. Actually, I wanted to start jogging again.”
He didn’t buy it. I still wasn’t a good actor, but he didn’t say anything. He had learned that when I needed my time, I needed to be alone.
Renee wasn’t really home that day. A little after my arrival, she found some real painting classes to keep herself busy while Phil would be in training and I’d be at school. I had the whole house to myself.
As soon as I got in the house, I felt the tears reaching my eyes and the phone rang. I was no Alice, but I still knew who it was. She had seen what happened and was trying to avoid another tragic breakdown. She tried making me feel better, but soon I wanted to be left alone by all means.
I found myself so restless that day though. I ended up pacing up and down in my room like a restless soul and decided to head for the beach. I put on a swimming suit, although I wasn’t intending to swim. I wasn’t touching sea water since The Day. But that was when I wanted to prove to these myth-maniac brats that I was fine. Or at least that I could act fine. That’s when I began to fight off the sea-phobia.
Jason had appeared out of the blue and sat next to me by the window.
“Hey, beautiful. Why are you still here? Are you feeling alright?” He had seen my breakdowns a couple of times; some things that happened were upsetting me too much to keep it inside me. He probably thought it was one of those times. Once, it so that bad that he had to put me in his car and drive me home.
“Yeah, I was just looking at the weather. It’s different today.” I gestured towards the wide windows.
“It’s the worst weather we can get here. Most times, it would be cold tonight.”
“That’s good,” I said biting my pizza.
“Do you like bad weather?” He cocked his head to the side giving me a weird look.
This season, last year I would have responded: “I don’t like anything cold. Or wet.” But instead I said, “It’s not that I like it. I miss it though.”
“Wow.” He chuckled. “I surely didn’t see that coming.”
“Sorry,” I mumbled.
“You’re apologizing for surprising me?” he asked, still trying to keep the smile from his face.
“Think so…”
“What’s wrong with you? I mean you’re not behaving normally.”
“Normally according to whom? Have you seen me more normal to know that this isn’t normal?” I didn’t want this subject to be pop up, not today.
“Whoa… Too many normal in the same sentence. I meant that people start wondering. You’re acting weird. I mean, I get it if the school change and the moving out and all is hard for you, but it doesn’t make sense. I was the only one who could get to you and really ask you.”
“You came here to ask me why I am alone?” I placed my pizza on the plastic dish and let my hands fall on my sides.
“I think I know why. It’s none of my business to ask you for more anyway,” he said, startled by my annoyed tone.
“Then why are you here? Aren’t you supposed to be in class or something?”
“No. I was running some errands for Prof. Logan,” the biology teacher, “and then he gave me permission to leave, but I saw you in the cafeteria as I was passing by.”
“Oh.” Yeah, right, like I couldn’t come up with something better to say…! Actually I really couldn’t.
“But what I have been looking for a chance to tell you all this time is something else.”
Oh oh. All this time I was sure that he was trying to ask me out, I mean, he was clearly hitting on me since I first came here, but I thought he had either gotten the message or didn’t dare to ask yet.
“You have to put an end to these rumors!” he continued and I widened my eyes in surprise.
“Rumors…?” I trailed off. I had no idea what he was talking about.
“Haven’t you noticed? People are talking about you! I don’t know why you’re so isolated and what has caused your depression or whatever is going on with you, but you need to make them shut up!”
“About what? Jason, what’s this nonsense?! And why should I even care…” I pushed my brows together in frustration.
“Bella, wake up! Seriously, on which planet are you living? You have no idea what they’re saying about you?!”
I stood still for a while putting the pieces together. Rumors… Talking about me… Don’t know what caused my depression… I knew that they liked to gossip, but it was mostly fake gossip. I didn’t pay attention but hanging out with students who did some things reached my ears. Mostly about the cheerleaders. Many girls envied them. But what did I have to do with their rumors…? Then it all clicked. Oh great. I shook my head hoping it wasn’t that bad.
“Like?” My voice broke but I didn’t know why. I didn’t even care. In a couple of months, I’d get back. My trial period would be over. Charlie had promised!
“Eh… It’s hard to say… They… there have been so many things said that I have heard.”
“Like?” I repeated more urgently.
He told me about the pregnancy theory, the one about me cutting myself, things like that I was taking drugs. My face fell and at some point, I stopped him not wanting to say more.
“They can say what they want. I don’t care. Um… Sorry but I have to go. I promised Renee that I’d be home early. She could totally use some help with the cooking.”
“Would you like a ride?” he offered. I missed my old, red, Chevy truck. The one that Edward always blamed for being too slow. The one that Emmett promised to keep from breaking apart and reminded me that it needed a new radio. I didn’t have a car here. I wasn’t moving around a lot, I only went to school and then home, so I really didn’t need one. Besides, they probably thought if I had a car, I would take off never to be found again. What an enticing concept. And Jason offered to drive me home whenever I stayed at school until the end of the sixth period, like my own little chauffer and protection detail, from myself no doubt.
“I think I’m gonna walk. Actually, I wanted to start jogging again.”
He didn’t buy it. I still wasn’t a good actor, but he didn’t say anything. He had learned that when I needed my time, I needed to be alone.
Renee wasn’t really home that day. A little after my arrival, she found some real painting classes to keep herself busy while Phil would be in training and I’d be at school. I had the whole house to myself.
As soon as I got in the house, I felt the tears reaching my eyes and the phone rang. I was no Alice, but I still knew who it was. She had seen what happened and was trying to avoid another tragic breakdown. She tried making me feel better, but soon I wanted to be left alone by all means.
I found myself so restless that day though. I ended up pacing up and down in my room like a restless soul and decided to head for the beach. I put on a swimming suit, although I wasn’t intending to swim. I wasn’t touching sea water since The Day. But that was when I wanted to prove to these myth-maniac brats that I was fine. Or at least that I could act fine. That’s when I began to fight off the sea-phobia.
* * * * *
I hadn’t told anyone what I was trying to do all this time. Not even Renee. I bet Alice knew, although we never talked about it. But it was one of these days. The ones that the sky was cloudy and the sun was half hidden behind the thin clouds. One of these so-called Forks’ days. The one month was already over, and I knew that Charlie would be forced to have me back soon. He was bound to his promise. Alice had made sure he didn’t have food poisoning as long as I was away and actually taught him how to cook a dish or two. It sounded almost surreal to me at first, but I had begun getting used to the idea. I couldn’t imagine how much things could have changed after the two months here would finish. Changes were good; they helped you get over things. But there was something I didn’t want changed. Something that I’d never get over. I wanted Edward’s things to be the same. It was the only thing I was left with.
I slept every night listening to the CD he had made for me, and most times I found myself clutching the scrapbook to my chest where his pictures with me were. Renee’s look when she looked at it was almost saying, “Maybe my gift was a horrible idea”. I knew I was a living pain inside the house, and that my bad mood was almost contagious, and that was why I had to go back. Charlie was spending a lot of time at the police station and his weekends watching baseball with Billy Black or Harry Clearwater drinking beers and eating Harry’s home fried fish on the couch, or fishing at the Reservation. He could shut me out and have a life, unlike my poor mother.
I was wearing a strapped shirt on top, still using the sunburn excuse, and hadn’t taken my shorts off, although I was wearing one of the many bikini’s Alice had stuffed my suitcase with. I was trying to… deal. Little things make the difference they say right? One small step for the man; a huge step for humanity right? Oh wait, that was about stepping on the moon not into the sea… Well, the sea is my moon in the moment. I need to show them, I. Am. Dealing.
I was coming closer every time, little steps, a little staring, working on how to look without flinching away. Without getting the feeling that a red fire was glowing in the deepest part of the water. It might have been my memory recalling her after the fall, or she might have been really there, still after me. I knew she’d get me someday. Still wondered how come I was still here. Was she watching me, enjoying watching me suffer? I had the feeling someone was watching me sometimes, but never saw anyone. Maybe it was Edward watching over me. I liked that feeling; Edward watching over me. In some sense, it gave me peace in the middle of the ache in my chest. Maybe doing this would give me some real peace, conquering this fear that constantly hung over my head. I would do this for me, for Edward. I would make him proud that I was strong and worthy of his love.
Today, I hoped I’d manage to do it. The worst part would be over. My toes dug into the golden sun that glowed and sparkled in the faint sunlight. I could see some boys surfing deeper in the water. I knew one; he was Frank. One of Jason’s friends. The others were some out-of-town cousins, who came to visit a lot though. They were practically here every weekend. On weekends, I was usually closed inside the house, doing my homework. I was really owing to our English teacher. Thankfully, he wasn’t making us work on Romeo and Juliet but he picked Pride and Prejudice. Many disliked it. They said it was too long and stuff. I was just happy it wasn’tRomeo and Juliet. Anything else would work for me. So Frank gave me a look – the one most people in school were giving me, totally ignorant and kinda freaked out when Jason wasn’t around – and concentrated on his board again. Normally, I’d be shut in my room, fighting the urge to listen to his CD again, and trying to concentrate on my notebook. But not today. Renee was out of town for some plans she wanted to do and was so secretive about. She promised to tell me tonight, and I pretended to be excited to keep the smile lit on her face. She could read me, completely and fully, but she played along anyway.
The sea was calm when I reached the shore, but now the wind was blowing harder and the waves were picking up a little. When a white, foamy wave almost reached me, I tensed and took some clumsy steps back. Then I drew in a deep breath, and walked closer again.
Just water. Like the one in the bathtub. Wet, warm, salty water. Alright, the water in my bathtub wasn’t salty. I was over thinking it again. If didn’t stop it soon, I’d never make it. But I knew I had to get done with it today. It was time.
I went back to the moon/humanity thing. Yeah, maybe the moon was my sea, but the astronaut who stepped on the moon wasn’t thrown from a who-knows-how-many-feet-tall cliff on it byher.
I closed my eyes and focused on the sounds of the sea. It actually made it worse, so I opened them again. From the stress, my toes had been sinking into the sand causing my calves to be halfway buried in it.
“For crying out loud, Bella! I’ve seen that you’re going to do it, so go on already! You’re almost there!” I heard a perky voice behind me.
I turned quickly – too quickly – and fell on my back with my toes ending up on the sand’s surface again. If someone taped every single fall I had on this beach, they’d have material to show for more than a year on America’s Funniest Home Videos.
“Alice!” I yelped getting on my feet as fast as I could and running to hug her!
“Hm… Wearing my clothes finally, huh? Does this mean that Charlie’s plan is finally working?”She raised an eyebrow and smiled.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, but what’s wrong with you? You look like an old lady! This cap on your head and the scarf around your neck are so not you! Just like the gloves. Aren’t you supposed to say something like that to me instead of the other way around?” I said all in a rush forgetting the beach and this emotional load inside me for a while.
“Talking a lot! Bella, you’re scaring me. I think you’re turning into me!”
“Not going to happen!” I promised with a chuckle.
“So what would you think if I became the next sight of the beach? A sparkly, short, pale girl. Well that would make the headlines for sure. Better than the sharks are back to Jacksonville’s shore, right?” My mind let all the info sink in, and I realized what caused all this unreasonably out of season, random clothes were on my best friend. Surely it was cloudy, but we wouldn’t want any… sparkly accidents. “Go ahead with the sea; I will be under a shadow.” She patted me gently on my back and left before I could say anything.
Having Alice here made me feel happy, and gave me more strength. Although, her eyes refreshed bad memories. Not really bad; painful would be more appropriate. I turned to face the water again. It was angry looking and I knew that if I wanted it today, I should make it quick before the storm began. I took one step forward. Dry, gold sand. One more. Dry-ish sand, some tiny stones. Another one. The sand began feeling wet under my bare toes, but still no water.
Just a little further, I urged myself.
The waves licked the tips of my toes. I struggled to keep them from pulling back and my hands became two tight fists against my thighs as I tried to breathe. It was hard, but not impossible. I let my toes slip on the sea bottom, letting water touch my ankle. I couldn’t imagine the looks people might have given me, but it didn’t really matter as long as I managed to fight it off. After some uneven breaths, I managed to inhale deeply and exhale normally. Then I realized that it was nothing different than breathing anywhere else! It made me feel better. I smiled and walked further inside, until the water touched my knees. It wasn’t cold at all even though it was January. I knew I had to get out soon though. The storm was on its way. Most people were out of the water, and I could see Frank looking at me from a distance and muttering something under his breath… Probably calling me “Freak”. Here, I was the type of girl that could be called freak. In Forks, everyone knew the deal with the depression, but I didn’t tell anybody here.
“Bella! You’d better get out! It will start raining in…” Alice’s voice cut off as I felt small raindrops on the tip of my nose “…now,” she finished.
I slowly walked out of the water, as if I was moving through something fragile and breakable. That was how I thought of the recent return of my love for sea water. Well… I couldn’t call it love, yet but I could try loving it just like I used to before.
Alice already held out an open umbrella in the one hand, and my beach bag in the other, but I kept walking away enough from her to let the rain falling down touch me. I felt a warm hand behind me and recognized the familiar sensation.
“You weren’t joking that other time saying that you missed bad weather, did you?” Jason chuckled.
“No, I was serious.” I was in a good mood for a while, and I tried to keep it that way.
“Who is your friend, aren’t you going to introduce me?” He gave one of his dazzling smiles at Alice.
I was tempted to say “Forget it; she’s out of your league. And taken,” and just said, “That’s Alice, my best friend.”
“Hi, you must be Jason,” she stated more than asked as they shook hands.
“Bella told you about me?” he asked, the grin on his face so wide that it was almost reaching his ears.
Careful with what you say, Alice! I gave her a warning look.
“She has mentioned you,” she replied with a sweet smile. “We haven’t talked to each other for a while now.”
“So, you came to spend the winter break here?” Was he trying to get some new gossip again? He hadn’t proved to be that kind of guy, but you never knew… And winter break was only two days ago… Many students had already left for vacation with their parents and the school reminded me of a big ghost town, but I enjoyed the quiet in it to be honest.
“We’ll see. For right now, I’m here for the weekend. And we really need to get in or we’re going to get sick out here in the rain.”
“Then I’ll catch up with you later right? Hey, Bella, don’t be a stranger, girl! You could call sometimes!” He winked and ran until he disappeared in the corner.
I finally decided to get under Alice’s umbrella for the rest of the walk towards home. I had enough exposure to water for one day. Rain and sea, all together… I took the big step. Maybe I could get through this. Whole. Or with more pieces that I thought I could hold together.
“What are you thinking, Bella?” The question startled me. I was used to hear it, but not from Alice. Edward though… He used to ask that a lot.
“Huh?”
“You seem kinda lost…”
“Sorry for that. I was thinking that you were calling more and more rarely later. I was worried.”
“I’d been busy, Bella. I’ve been making plans.”
“Plans? About what?”
“Didn’t Renee tell you anything?”
“Renee? Not yet. She said she wanted to tell me something tonight though. Come on, Alice, tell me!”
“No, no, no! Renee will kill me!” She burst into giggles.
“Does she know that you know?” I asked suspiciously.
“Hm… Not really. But she’s gonna tell tonight, so I will know officially.”
“Then you can tell me and we’ll both pretend not to know.”
“Bella, have you noticed how many times you’ve used the word ‘know’ in the last sentences? You’re giving me a headache!”
I frowned. “Vampires don’t get headaches!”
“Imagine how bad it is then!” She giggled again. “Do you know that you sound more like yourself? Jacksonville’s magic is working on you!” She made a gesture with her fingers as if she was pretending to do some pixie magic or something and giggled. What caused her good mood? Obviously, I wouldn’t get an answer anytime soon.
“So will you tell me?” I insisted.
“Ask your mother. She will tell you anyway. Or you’ll see even if she doesn’t tell.”
I rolled my eyes and smirked.
“Okay, then let’s play with clues. Like twenty questions. I ask and you will answer yes or no.” There must be a way to find out without you spilling the beans completely! A win-win situation, right?
“Not. Just wait, its afternoon already! A couple of hours and you’ll know. I want to do your hair. It truly needs some styling after all this time without me around!”
Ugh… Typical Alice.
After I stepped into the house, I realized that Phil had turned the heater on for the first time since I came here. And Renee was still not here.
“Come on, Bella! All this hair won’t be done on its own!” Alice pulled my hand towards my room like she’d lived her whole life in it.
Phil gave me a questioning look from the kitchen, and I gave him a smug look.
“Um, Alice, this is Phil. Phil, my friend, Alice,” I made the introductions quickly although I hoped that Phil would manage to help me win some time before Alice’s torture/makeover (depends on how I see it) session begun.
“The girl from Forks? E-” I looked away and he cut of his sentence. I had never heard him mention the name in front of me, “his sister?”
“Yes, that’s me. I’ve been famous around here, haven’t I?” she said in a light tone, ignoring the moment of awkwardness when Phil almost mentioned the name. “And now, if you’ll excuse us, I have to do something with that brown mess that your stepdaughter calls hair!”
Phil chuckled and Alice dragged me inside my room. She closed the door behind her and without bothering to look human; she made me sit on my bed and brought a small suitcase next to it. Before I could blink twice, all kinds of makeup kits and brushes in more than ten different sizes were taking over my bed.
“So… let me do some miracles on this head… You have awesome hair and you don’t do anything about it, Bella!”
“Why should I? Who cares? I like the way my hair looks just fine.”
“First, I care! Secondly, that’s the point! It looks pretty on its own, imagine how it would be if you cared a little about it.”
I took a deep sigh and kept my mouth shut until she was done with brushing and drying and curling. I felt like it would never end. But at least Alice was here. I couldn’t get enough of her. I might have photos and all the clothes she had given me, but the longer we were apart, all the last year seemed unreal. What if she was a simple friend of mine who was just becoming more imaginary as time passed? I was sure that was not the case when I saw her in front of me, flesh and bone, in Jacksonville. I’d been in Forks. I’d fell in love with a vampire and met his whole family. Victoria had killed Edward. It was the truth. It still hurt just as bad as in the beginning, but I had Alice’s support and I would learn to live with it. It would be painful, but I still could do it. I had to, if not for me, but in honor of Edward’s love and memory and the people that meant everything to him, besides me.
People live with things that hurt all the time. I am no different. Am I?
“Are you alright?” Alice asked freezing with the brush tangled in my hair.
“Think so…” I said but my voice trembled. “W-w-why?”
“I saw you crying. And you look like it too. Did I do something that bothered you? Did I say something perhaps?”
Why were you talking? I hadn’t even realized.
“I didn’t mean that about Jason, I was joking.”
“Jason?” I asked and shook my head. “What are you talking about?”
“You weren’t paying attention, were you?” She inhaled deeply and ran her fingers through her hair while her look went blank as if she was looking somewhere far away. “Honey, you’d better go to the bathroom, your nose will start bleeding. I– I will get out for a second and be back.” Without any further explanation, she pushed the window open and leaped outside, into our back yard.
I didn’t give it much thinking and rushed in the bathroom with the curls – Alice’s doing – bouncing behind me and stood still above the sink waiting for what Alice said would happen. At first, I felt nauseating at the view of blood, but soon enough I washed it away and grabbed a piece of paper and walked back in the room with my head looking up.
“Bella, are you okay?” Phil asked and I could only blush at the image of how ridiculous I might look.
“Yeah, my nose started bleeding though,” I mumbled and disappeared in my room before he could ask anything else.
“Do you want any snacks in there, girls?” he made a last attempt to talk to me but after I said, “No, thanks, we’re good,” he stopped.
I sat back on my bed and hissed at Alice hoping she could come, and that she could stand being close to me with the blood thing. In the blink of an eye, she was in front of me.
“You’d better lie down, it will stop faster,” she explained and I let my hair touch the pillow. “This has never happened in Forks.”
“Thank God, I guess I’d be a vampire meal by now if it had!” I said staring at the ceiling trying to sound lighthearted.
“Has it happened before here?”
“Not here… It hasn’t happened since I was five or six. But I was in Arizona then. It is all part of being really light colored. Sensitive skin, sensitive eyes, extremely sensitive to the heat… I woke up at night because of that. But it had stopped. It was totally unexpected.”
“Well, it’s okay. No harm done right? I think you can get up now, it seems fine.”
“Since when do you know, doc?” I smirked as I got up.
“Since I can smell no fresh blood anymore.” She smirked as well and rolled her eyes grabbing the brush and the curler again. So, it wasn’t over after all.
As she kept on with the hair, she told me stories about funny moments at the house with Edward. It was hard to listen, but it was also fascinating. I couldn’t get enough. Like when Alice and Jasper moved in with the Cullen’s and all of Edward’s stuff ended up in the garage so that Alice could get his bedroom… Or when Emmett decided that it would be fun to dress up as vampires for Halloween and they bought fangs and red contacts and Count-Dracula style, black-red capes some years ago… And the times he and Alice played chess… It sounded funny… It would be funnier to watch… Alice confessed to me that Edward had begun watching Food Network since the day he came back after we went to his meadow... Emmett couldn’t stop teasing him about it! I noticed how Rosalie was never mentioned in these moments. I still didn’t know if she wasn’t in them or Alice avoided mentioning her to keep me happy. Her descriptions were so real; almost as if I could see all of these beautiful memories come to life. Almost as if Edward was alive. It hurt a lot, the hole in my chest was still there, but it was getting easier to talk about him. Maybe because I was getting used to the pain. Alice might say that I was getting over it, but I don’t think that it was this. I would still be screaming in my sleep, my subconscious would be fed with new material for nightmares. But I wouldn’t think about this now.
“And that other time when he was playing piano and Emmett came flying through the wall landing inches from Edward’s piano! He was having a fight with Jasper.” She smiled at the memory. “And the fact that he didn’t land on the piano was only thanks to Edward realizing in time to move it away. You should have seen their faces! Priceless! It was the last time Esme let them have a fight so close to the house! They did ruin part of the wall and half of her living room floor that day!”
I couldn’t help the giggle that threatened to escape my throat. “Living in a house with all of you could seriously un-make eternity boring! There’s always something happening!”
“Nah… Trust me, there are moments when you feel completely and absolutely bored. Things like shopping won’t do anything then…” she said in a sad voice.
“Did you really just say that?” My eyes widened in surprise. This was the last thing I would expect to hear from Alice! Then, I realized that she used the word bored on purpose. She really meant moments like when Edward left. Moments that were making you feel weak no matter if you’re human or vampire…
“Contrary to what most believe, I’m not a shopaholic, Bella!” she scowled. I gave her a long stare and she shrugged. “Well… Okay, Maybe I am… But just a little.”
Yeah, right.
“But I don’t have a heart of ice,” she continued.
“I know that, Alice,” I assured her.
We kept silent for a while, each sinking deeper into her own thoughts. At some point, I almost forgot that she was there, although she was still working on my hair, but Renee’s head peeking through the door woke me up from the nirvana state I was sinking into.
She walked towards the bed making some room between the brushes and the makeup kits and sat next to me. “How is my girl doing?” she asked giving me a kiss on the cheek. “Alice! I didn’t expect to see you here!” A big smile lit up on her face though. She was in a really good mood! “Would you like to stay for the winter break?” she asked excited.
“I’d love to, but I actually have plans.” She winked at Renee and her gesture seemed to confuse me almost as much as it confused her, although she nodded with a knowing smile.
“Your hair is gorgeous, honey!” she told me and played with a curl. “Remember the news I wanted to tell you?”
Could I forget? Alice keeps reminding me ever since she came! “Yeah, mom, I do.”
“Good. ‘Cause I am intending to finally tell you! When Alice is done, both of you come into the living room!” After she finished, she practically skipped all the way to the door.
This made me really tense and anxious for what she had to tell. Renee was always cheerful but not that cheerful! And Alice’s excitement wouldn’t be for nothing… Or… Well… It could be.
“One last curl and you’re ready to go!” She bounced on the bed causing it to complain with a grumpy groan.
As soon as the curler had left my hair, I jumped up tripping on my sandy colored carpet but a cold, strong hand caught me before my face hit the ground. Almost as if he had done it. But of course, it was Alice, who was shaking her head in disapproval.
“Bella, relax, Renee won’t tell you any sooner if you fall and break your leg or something.”
She giggled and led me out of the room.
Phil and Renee were talking when we entered the living room, but they stopped and both smiled with that suspicious smile that hid things. What was going on here?! Renee motioned us to sit on the couch and I sat, still observing their faces carefully while Alice was practically beaming next to me.
Renee took a deep breath and started, “Soooo… I have two things to tell you. Both are really good, but I wanted us to be more relaxed when I’d say it because I didn’t want you to worry for school in the meantime…”
I raised my eyes questioningly but she kept talking.
“I think I should start from the easiest to digest news! Winter break is starting soon and Phil will be gone for the second week with his team, so I thought that we could spend our free time somewhere together. I had been saving some money and finished with everything a couple of weeks ago!”
“Mom, what are you talking about?” I asked, not understanding a thing from all this and feeling totally unable to share the excitement Renee and Alice were feeling.
“I booked us one week of vacation in New York!”
“Wow, really? That’s where I was going too! We should definitely go shopping!” Alice said pretending to be shocked at first and then turning into her usual – shopaholic – self. I can’t believe she knew all along and didn’t say anything!
“New York? Really?” Renee was shocked, as any normal human would be with such acoincidence.
“Of course! It’s a shopping paradise!” Alice nodded enthusiastically. “What about the other news?”
“Oh yeah! Bella, would you like to open this?” She reached for a box next to her and stretched over the glass table to give it to me.
It wasn’t really wrapped although a huge, pale green bow was proudly glued on it. It wasn’t about the gift though. Renee knew I didn’t like them so she preferred to give them to me in a more special way, so that they wouldn’t bother me. Like hiding them around the house and telling me that it is cold when I was away from them and warm when I was getting closer. Although I think that I was over that phase after becoming eighteen… I opened it slowly and saw a tiny piece of blue fabric that I soon recognized. It was a pair of pajamas I used to have as a baby. I wouldn’t have recognized it if I hadn’t seen me wearing it in a picture buried in Charlie’s stuff during last summer. I supposed that my baby clothes had disappeared after all these years, but it seems that Renee had kept them. I ran my hand over the soft, cotton fabric and looked up at Renee with a surprised look on my questioning face.
“What is this about?” I wasn’t sure what she was getting at, but she was planning something.
Her smile was weird, as if she’d throw a bomb or something and then I noticed how Phil was holding her hand and how her eyes switched between me and Phil. “Well… There is going to someone new to wear them soon…”
“Soon as…?”
“Eight months?” she answered half smiling.
“Mom, you’re pregnant?”
I didn’t know how I felt about that. It wasn’t in the list of what I was expecting. Actually, it was not even in the list of what I was not expecting. I was totally unprepared for this.
“Yes!” she squealed and I caught myself staring at her belly which was obviously not different at all. Yet.
It was good, right? I kept wondering, but before I could realize what I was going to say I asked, “So you decided that you want another child?”
“Of course! I love kids!”
“I know that. I just didn’t think that you wanted another one of your own.”
She shook her head and smiled. “Bells, I didn’t want to have another child with the wrong guy. But I think it won’t have a bad ending this time.”
Phil was the right guy for her. I looked at him and he was glowing from happiness. Renee was already thirty-seven, but that wasn’t that old. If she wanted she could still have a child. I thought about a little sibling. Renee’s childish craziness in a little girl with piggy tails and her standing on a stool helping Renee paint… Or a little boy, forgetful and happy like Renee, and Phil teaching him how to hold the baseball bat. Yeah, I think I’d love to see that.
It wasn’t until a few minutes later that I realized that both Phil and Renee were waiting for me to talk, but I had been too lost in my thoughts. I smiled and got up to hug mom.
“It’s great, mom, I’m really happy for you!”
“Finally, something that really made you smile!” she joked and squeezed me tighter.
“Anybody hungry?” she asked letting me go and getting on her feet. “I got pizza for everyone to celebrate it!”
Suddenly, I felt really protective of Renee. Was she allowed to eat pizza?
“Bella, pizza isn’t like alcohol! Don’t worry!” Alice whispered low enough that only I could hear and giggled. I had no idea how she knew, but Edward used to say that I was like an open book. Apparently still am.
“I’m full, Renee, thanks. I ate on my way from the airport,” Alice told her but followed us in the kitchen.
I was glad that into Renee’s absentmindedness my favorite pizza flavor wasn’t one of the things that had been forgotten. Not that she could ever forget that but anyway… While eating she was talking about all the things she had planned for our vacation; the hotel, the trip, she had even a schedule planned out! Renee never has a schedule! I was glad she was getting organized although I was ninety-nine percent sure that she wouldn’t follow it anyway. But we’d have Alice with us to keep us in order too…
I slept every night listening to the CD he had made for me, and most times I found myself clutching the scrapbook to my chest where his pictures with me were. Renee’s look when she looked at it was almost saying, “Maybe my gift was a horrible idea”. I knew I was a living pain inside the house, and that my bad mood was almost contagious, and that was why I had to go back. Charlie was spending a lot of time at the police station and his weekends watching baseball with Billy Black or Harry Clearwater drinking beers and eating Harry’s home fried fish on the couch, or fishing at the Reservation. He could shut me out and have a life, unlike my poor mother.
I was wearing a strapped shirt on top, still using the sunburn excuse, and hadn’t taken my shorts off, although I was wearing one of the many bikini’s Alice had stuffed my suitcase with. I was trying to… deal. Little things make the difference they say right? One small step for the man; a huge step for humanity right? Oh wait, that was about stepping on the moon not into the sea… Well, the sea is my moon in the moment. I need to show them, I. Am. Dealing.
I was coming closer every time, little steps, a little staring, working on how to look without flinching away. Without getting the feeling that a red fire was glowing in the deepest part of the water. It might have been my memory recalling her after the fall, or she might have been really there, still after me. I knew she’d get me someday. Still wondered how come I was still here. Was she watching me, enjoying watching me suffer? I had the feeling someone was watching me sometimes, but never saw anyone. Maybe it was Edward watching over me. I liked that feeling; Edward watching over me. In some sense, it gave me peace in the middle of the ache in my chest. Maybe doing this would give me some real peace, conquering this fear that constantly hung over my head. I would do this for me, for Edward. I would make him proud that I was strong and worthy of his love.
Today, I hoped I’d manage to do it. The worst part would be over. My toes dug into the golden sun that glowed and sparkled in the faint sunlight. I could see some boys surfing deeper in the water. I knew one; he was Frank. One of Jason’s friends. The others were some out-of-town cousins, who came to visit a lot though. They were practically here every weekend. On weekends, I was usually closed inside the house, doing my homework. I was really owing to our English teacher. Thankfully, he wasn’t making us work on Romeo and Juliet but he picked Pride and Prejudice. Many disliked it. They said it was too long and stuff. I was just happy it wasn’tRomeo and Juliet. Anything else would work for me. So Frank gave me a look – the one most people in school were giving me, totally ignorant and kinda freaked out when Jason wasn’t around – and concentrated on his board again. Normally, I’d be shut in my room, fighting the urge to listen to his CD again, and trying to concentrate on my notebook. But not today. Renee was out of town for some plans she wanted to do and was so secretive about. She promised to tell me tonight, and I pretended to be excited to keep the smile lit on her face. She could read me, completely and fully, but she played along anyway.
The sea was calm when I reached the shore, but now the wind was blowing harder and the waves were picking up a little. When a white, foamy wave almost reached me, I tensed and took some clumsy steps back. Then I drew in a deep breath, and walked closer again.
Just water. Like the one in the bathtub. Wet, warm, salty water. Alright, the water in my bathtub wasn’t salty. I was over thinking it again. If didn’t stop it soon, I’d never make it. But I knew I had to get done with it today. It was time.
I went back to the moon/humanity thing. Yeah, maybe the moon was my sea, but the astronaut who stepped on the moon wasn’t thrown from a who-knows-how-many-feet-tall cliff on it byher.
I closed my eyes and focused on the sounds of the sea. It actually made it worse, so I opened them again. From the stress, my toes had been sinking into the sand causing my calves to be halfway buried in it.
“For crying out loud, Bella! I’ve seen that you’re going to do it, so go on already! You’re almost there!” I heard a perky voice behind me.
I turned quickly – too quickly – and fell on my back with my toes ending up on the sand’s surface again. If someone taped every single fall I had on this beach, they’d have material to show for more than a year on America’s Funniest Home Videos.
“Alice!” I yelped getting on my feet as fast as I could and running to hug her!
“Hm… Wearing my clothes finally, huh? Does this mean that Charlie’s plan is finally working?”She raised an eyebrow and smiled.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, but what’s wrong with you? You look like an old lady! This cap on your head and the scarf around your neck are so not you! Just like the gloves. Aren’t you supposed to say something like that to me instead of the other way around?” I said all in a rush forgetting the beach and this emotional load inside me for a while.
“Talking a lot! Bella, you’re scaring me. I think you’re turning into me!”
“Not going to happen!” I promised with a chuckle.
“So what would you think if I became the next sight of the beach? A sparkly, short, pale girl. Well that would make the headlines for sure. Better than the sharks are back to Jacksonville’s shore, right?” My mind let all the info sink in, and I realized what caused all this unreasonably out of season, random clothes were on my best friend. Surely it was cloudy, but we wouldn’t want any… sparkly accidents. “Go ahead with the sea; I will be under a shadow.” She patted me gently on my back and left before I could say anything.
Having Alice here made me feel happy, and gave me more strength. Although, her eyes refreshed bad memories. Not really bad; painful would be more appropriate. I turned to face the water again. It was angry looking and I knew that if I wanted it today, I should make it quick before the storm began. I took one step forward. Dry, gold sand. One more. Dry-ish sand, some tiny stones. Another one. The sand began feeling wet under my bare toes, but still no water.
Just a little further, I urged myself.
The waves licked the tips of my toes. I struggled to keep them from pulling back and my hands became two tight fists against my thighs as I tried to breathe. It was hard, but not impossible. I let my toes slip on the sea bottom, letting water touch my ankle. I couldn’t imagine the looks people might have given me, but it didn’t really matter as long as I managed to fight it off. After some uneven breaths, I managed to inhale deeply and exhale normally. Then I realized that it was nothing different than breathing anywhere else! It made me feel better. I smiled and walked further inside, until the water touched my knees. It wasn’t cold at all even though it was January. I knew I had to get out soon though. The storm was on its way. Most people were out of the water, and I could see Frank looking at me from a distance and muttering something under his breath… Probably calling me “Freak”. Here, I was the type of girl that could be called freak. In Forks, everyone knew the deal with the depression, but I didn’t tell anybody here.
“Bella! You’d better get out! It will start raining in…” Alice’s voice cut off as I felt small raindrops on the tip of my nose “…now,” she finished.
I slowly walked out of the water, as if I was moving through something fragile and breakable. That was how I thought of the recent return of my love for sea water. Well… I couldn’t call it love, yet but I could try loving it just like I used to before.
Alice already held out an open umbrella in the one hand, and my beach bag in the other, but I kept walking away enough from her to let the rain falling down touch me. I felt a warm hand behind me and recognized the familiar sensation.
“You weren’t joking that other time saying that you missed bad weather, did you?” Jason chuckled.
“No, I was serious.” I was in a good mood for a while, and I tried to keep it that way.
“Who is your friend, aren’t you going to introduce me?” He gave one of his dazzling smiles at Alice.
I was tempted to say “Forget it; she’s out of your league. And taken,” and just said, “That’s Alice, my best friend.”
“Hi, you must be Jason,” she stated more than asked as they shook hands.
“Bella told you about me?” he asked, the grin on his face so wide that it was almost reaching his ears.
Careful with what you say, Alice! I gave her a warning look.
“She has mentioned you,” she replied with a sweet smile. “We haven’t talked to each other for a while now.”
“So, you came to spend the winter break here?” Was he trying to get some new gossip again? He hadn’t proved to be that kind of guy, but you never knew… And winter break was only two days ago… Many students had already left for vacation with their parents and the school reminded me of a big ghost town, but I enjoyed the quiet in it to be honest.
“We’ll see. For right now, I’m here for the weekend. And we really need to get in or we’re going to get sick out here in the rain.”
“Then I’ll catch up with you later right? Hey, Bella, don’t be a stranger, girl! You could call sometimes!” He winked and ran until he disappeared in the corner.
I finally decided to get under Alice’s umbrella for the rest of the walk towards home. I had enough exposure to water for one day. Rain and sea, all together… I took the big step. Maybe I could get through this. Whole. Or with more pieces that I thought I could hold together.
“What are you thinking, Bella?” The question startled me. I was used to hear it, but not from Alice. Edward though… He used to ask that a lot.
“Huh?”
“You seem kinda lost…”
“Sorry for that. I was thinking that you were calling more and more rarely later. I was worried.”
“I’d been busy, Bella. I’ve been making plans.”
“Plans? About what?”
“Didn’t Renee tell you anything?”
“Renee? Not yet. She said she wanted to tell me something tonight though. Come on, Alice, tell me!”
“No, no, no! Renee will kill me!” She burst into giggles.
“Does she know that you know?” I asked suspiciously.
“Hm… Not really. But she’s gonna tell tonight, so I will know officially.”
“Then you can tell me and we’ll both pretend not to know.”
“Bella, have you noticed how many times you’ve used the word ‘know’ in the last sentences? You’re giving me a headache!”
I frowned. “Vampires don’t get headaches!”
“Imagine how bad it is then!” She giggled again. “Do you know that you sound more like yourself? Jacksonville’s magic is working on you!” She made a gesture with her fingers as if she was pretending to do some pixie magic or something and giggled. What caused her good mood? Obviously, I wouldn’t get an answer anytime soon.
“So will you tell me?” I insisted.
“Ask your mother. She will tell you anyway. Or you’ll see even if she doesn’t tell.”
I rolled my eyes and smirked.
“Okay, then let’s play with clues. Like twenty questions. I ask and you will answer yes or no.” There must be a way to find out without you spilling the beans completely! A win-win situation, right?
“Not. Just wait, its afternoon already! A couple of hours and you’ll know. I want to do your hair. It truly needs some styling after all this time without me around!”
Ugh… Typical Alice.
After I stepped into the house, I realized that Phil had turned the heater on for the first time since I came here. And Renee was still not here.
“Come on, Bella! All this hair won’t be done on its own!” Alice pulled my hand towards my room like she’d lived her whole life in it.
Phil gave me a questioning look from the kitchen, and I gave him a smug look.
“Um, Alice, this is Phil. Phil, my friend, Alice,” I made the introductions quickly although I hoped that Phil would manage to help me win some time before Alice’s torture/makeover (depends on how I see it) session begun.
“The girl from Forks? E-” I looked away and he cut of his sentence. I had never heard him mention the name in front of me, “his sister?”
“Yes, that’s me. I’ve been famous around here, haven’t I?” she said in a light tone, ignoring the moment of awkwardness when Phil almost mentioned the name. “And now, if you’ll excuse us, I have to do something with that brown mess that your stepdaughter calls hair!”
Phil chuckled and Alice dragged me inside my room. She closed the door behind her and without bothering to look human; she made me sit on my bed and brought a small suitcase next to it. Before I could blink twice, all kinds of makeup kits and brushes in more than ten different sizes were taking over my bed.
“So… let me do some miracles on this head… You have awesome hair and you don’t do anything about it, Bella!”
“Why should I? Who cares? I like the way my hair looks just fine.”
“First, I care! Secondly, that’s the point! It looks pretty on its own, imagine how it would be if you cared a little about it.”
I took a deep sigh and kept my mouth shut until she was done with brushing and drying and curling. I felt like it would never end. But at least Alice was here. I couldn’t get enough of her. I might have photos and all the clothes she had given me, but the longer we were apart, all the last year seemed unreal. What if she was a simple friend of mine who was just becoming more imaginary as time passed? I was sure that was not the case when I saw her in front of me, flesh and bone, in Jacksonville. I’d been in Forks. I’d fell in love with a vampire and met his whole family. Victoria had killed Edward. It was the truth. It still hurt just as bad as in the beginning, but I had Alice’s support and I would learn to live with it. It would be painful, but I still could do it. I had to, if not for me, but in honor of Edward’s love and memory and the people that meant everything to him, besides me.
People live with things that hurt all the time. I am no different. Am I?
“Are you alright?” Alice asked freezing with the brush tangled in my hair.
“Think so…” I said but my voice trembled. “W-w-why?”
“I saw you crying. And you look like it too. Did I do something that bothered you? Did I say something perhaps?”
Why were you talking? I hadn’t even realized.
“I didn’t mean that about Jason, I was joking.”
“Jason?” I asked and shook my head. “What are you talking about?”
“You weren’t paying attention, were you?” She inhaled deeply and ran her fingers through her hair while her look went blank as if she was looking somewhere far away. “Honey, you’d better go to the bathroom, your nose will start bleeding. I– I will get out for a second and be back.” Without any further explanation, she pushed the window open and leaped outside, into our back yard.
I didn’t give it much thinking and rushed in the bathroom with the curls – Alice’s doing – bouncing behind me and stood still above the sink waiting for what Alice said would happen. At first, I felt nauseating at the view of blood, but soon enough I washed it away and grabbed a piece of paper and walked back in the room with my head looking up.
“Bella, are you okay?” Phil asked and I could only blush at the image of how ridiculous I might look.
“Yeah, my nose started bleeding though,” I mumbled and disappeared in my room before he could ask anything else.
“Do you want any snacks in there, girls?” he made a last attempt to talk to me but after I said, “No, thanks, we’re good,” he stopped.
I sat back on my bed and hissed at Alice hoping she could come, and that she could stand being close to me with the blood thing. In the blink of an eye, she was in front of me.
“You’d better lie down, it will stop faster,” she explained and I let my hair touch the pillow. “This has never happened in Forks.”
“Thank God, I guess I’d be a vampire meal by now if it had!” I said staring at the ceiling trying to sound lighthearted.
“Has it happened before here?”
“Not here… It hasn’t happened since I was five or six. But I was in Arizona then. It is all part of being really light colored. Sensitive skin, sensitive eyes, extremely sensitive to the heat… I woke up at night because of that. But it had stopped. It was totally unexpected.”
“Well, it’s okay. No harm done right? I think you can get up now, it seems fine.”
“Since when do you know, doc?” I smirked as I got up.
“Since I can smell no fresh blood anymore.” She smirked as well and rolled her eyes grabbing the brush and the curler again. So, it wasn’t over after all.
As she kept on with the hair, she told me stories about funny moments at the house with Edward. It was hard to listen, but it was also fascinating. I couldn’t get enough. Like when Alice and Jasper moved in with the Cullen’s and all of Edward’s stuff ended up in the garage so that Alice could get his bedroom… Or when Emmett decided that it would be fun to dress up as vampires for Halloween and they bought fangs and red contacts and Count-Dracula style, black-red capes some years ago… And the times he and Alice played chess… It sounded funny… It would be funnier to watch… Alice confessed to me that Edward had begun watching Food Network since the day he came back after we went to his meadow... Emmett couldn’t stop teasing him about it! I noticed how Rosalie was never mentioned in these moments. I still didn’t know if she wasn’t in them or Alice avoided mentioning her to keep me happy. Her descriptions were so real; almost as if I could see all of these beautiful memories come to life. Almost as if Edward was alive. It hurt a lot, the hole in my chest was still there, but it was getting easier to talk about him. Maybe because I was getting used to the pain. Alice might say that I was getting over it, but I don’t think that it was this. I would still be screaming in my sleep, my subconscious would be fed with new material for nightmares. But I wouldn’t think about this now.
“And that other time when he was playing piano and Emmett came flying through the wall landing inches from Edward’s piano! He was having a fight with Jasper.” She smiled at the memory. “And the fact that he didn’t land on the piano was only thanks to Edward realizing in time to move it away. You should have seen their faces! Priceless! It was the last time Esme let them have a fight so close to the house! They did ruin part of the wall and half of her living room floor that day!”
I couldn’t help the giggle that threatened to escape my throat. “Living in a house with all of you could seriously un-make eternity boring! There’s always something happening!”
“Nah… Trust me, there are moments when you feel completely and absolutely bored. Things like shopping won’t do anything then…” she said in a sad voice.
“Did you really just say that?” My eyes widened in surprise. This was the last thing I would expect to hear from Alice! Then, I realized that she used the word bored on purpose. She really meant moments like when Edward left. Moments that were making you feel weak no matter if you’re human or vampire…
“Contrary to what most believe, I’m not a shopaholic, Bella!” she scowled. I gave her a long stare and she shrugged. “Well… Okay, Maybe I am… But just a little.”
Yeah, right.
“But I don’t have a heart of ice,” she continued.
“I know that, Alice,” I assured her.
We kept silent for a while, each sinking deeper into her own thoughts. At some point, I almost forgot that she was there, although she was still working on my hair, but Renee’s head peeking through the door woke me up from the nirvana state I was sinking into.
She walked towards the bed making some room between the brushes and the makeup kits and sat next to me. “How is my girl doing?” she asked giving me a kiss on the cheek. “Alice! I didn’t expect to see you here!” A big smile lit up on her face though. She was in a really good mood! “Would you like to stay for the winter break?” she asked excited.
“I’d love to, but I actually have plans.” She winked at Renee and her gesture seemed to confuse me almost as much as it confused her, although she nodded with a knowing smile.
“Your hair is gorgeous, honey!” she told me and played with a curl. “Remember the news I wanted to tell you?”
Could I forget? Alice keeps reminding me ever since she came! “Yeah, mom, I do.”
“Good. ‘Cause I am intending to finally tell you! When Alice is done, both of you come into the living room!” After she finished, she practically skipped all the way to the door.
This made me really tense and anxious for what she had to tell. Renee was always cheerful but not that cheerful! And Alice’s excitement wouldn’t be for nothing… Or… Well… It could be.
“One last curl and you’re ready to go!” She bounced on the bed causing it to complain with a grumpy groan.
As soon as the curler had left my hair, I jumped up tripping on my sandy colored carpet but a cold, strong hand caught me before my face hit the ground. Almost as if he had done it. But of course, it was Alice, who was shaking her head in disapproval.
“Bella, relax, Renee won’t tell you any sooner if you fall and break your leg or something.”
She giggled and led me out of the room.
Phil and Renee were talking when we entered the living room, but they stopped and both smiled with that suspicious smile that hid things. What was going on here?! Renee motioned us to sit on the couch and I sat, still observing their faces carefully while Alice was practically beaming next to me.
Renee took a deep breath and started, “Soooo… I have two things to tell you. Both are really good, but I wanted us to be more relaxed when I’d say it because I didn’t want you to worry for school in the meantime…”
I raised my eyes questioningly but she kept talking.
“I think I should start from the easiest to digest news! Winter break is starting soon and Phil will be gone for the second week with his team, so I thought that we could spend our free time somewhere together. I had been saving some money and finished with everything a couple of weeks ago!”
“Mom, what are you talking about?” I asked, not understanding a thing from all this and feeling totally unable to share the excitement Renee and Alice were feeling.
“I booked us one week of vacation in New York!”
“Wow, really? That’s where I was going too! We should definitely go shopping!” Alice said pretending to be shocked at first and then turning into her usual – shopaholic – self. I can’t believe she knew all along and didn’t say anything!
“New York? Really?” Renee was shocked, as any normal human would be with such acoincidence.
“Of course! It’s a shopping paradise!” Alice nodded enthusiastically. “What about the other news?”
“Oh yeah! Bella, would you like to open this?” She reached for a box next to her and stretched over the glass table to give it to me.
It wasn’t really wrapped although a huge, pale green bow was proudly glued on it. It wasn’t about the gift though. Renee knew I didn’t like them so she preferred to give them to me in a more special way, so that they wouldn’t bother me. Like hiding them around the house and telling me that it is cold when I was away from them and warm when I was getting closer. Although I think that I was over that phase after becoming eighteen… I opened it slowly and saw a tiny piece of blue fabric that I soon recognized. It was a pair of pajamas I used to have as a baby. I wouldn’t have recognized it if I hadn’t seen me wearing it in a picture buried in Charlie’s stuff during last summer. I supposed that my baby clothes had disappeared after all these years, but it seems that Renee had kept them. I ran my hand over the soft, cotton fabric and looked up at Renee with a surprised look on my questioning face.
“What is this about?” I wasn’t sure what she was getting at, but she was planning something.
Her smile was weird, as if she’d throw a bomb or something and then I noticed how Phil was holding her hand and how her eyes switched between me and Phil. “Well… There is going to someone new to wear them soon…”
“Soon as…?”
“Eight months?” she answered half smiling.
“Mom, you’re pregnant?”
I didn’t know how I felt about that. It wasn’t in the list of what I was expecting. Actually, it was not even in the list of what I was not expecting. I was totally unprepared for this.
“Yes!” she squealed and I caught myself staring at her belly which was obviously not different at all. Yet.
It was good, right? I kept wondering, but before I could realize what I was going to say I asked, “So you decided that you want another child?”
“Of course! I love kids!”
“I know that. I just didn’t think that you wanted another one of your own.”
She shook her head and smiled. “Bells, I didn’t want to have another child with the wrong guy. But I think it won’t have a bad ending this time.”
Phil was the right guy for her. I looked at him and he was glowing from happiness. Renee was already thirty-seven, but that wasn’t that old. If she wanted she could still have a child. I thought about a little sibling. Renee’s childish craziness in a little girl with piggy tails and her standing on a stool helping Renee paint… Or a little boy, forgetful and happy like Renee, and Phil teaching him how to hold the baseball bat. Yeah, I think I’d love to see that.
It wasn’t until a few minutes later that I realized that both Phil and Renee were waiting for me to talk, but I had been too lost in my thoughts. I smiled and got up to hug mom.
“It’s great, mom, I’m really happy for you!”
“Finally, something that really made you smile!” she joked and squeezed me tighter.
“Anybody hungry?” she asked letting me go and getting on her feet. “I got pizza for everyone to celebrate it!”
Suddenly, I felt really protective of Renee. Was she allowed to eat pizza?
“Bella, pizza isn’t like alcohol! Don’t worry!” Alice whispered low enough that only I could hear and giggled. I had no idea how she knew, but Edward used to say that I was like an open book. Apparently still am.
“I’m full, Renee, thanks. I ate on my way from the airport,” Alice told her but followed us in the kitchen.
I was glad that into Renee’s absentmindedness my favorite pizza flavor wasn’t one of the things that had been forgotten. Not that she could ever forget that but anyway… While eating she was talking about all the things she had planned for our vacation; the hotel, the trip, she had even a schedule planned out! Renee never has a schedule! I was glad she was getting organized although I was ninety-nine percent sure that she wouldn’t follow it anyway. But we’d have Alice with us to keep us in order too…
I had almost forgotten. Were the rest of the Cullens coming too? Maybe Jasper at least? I didn’t have time to ask any of these because I was practically forgotten when Alice started suggesting shops to Renee. Phil and I were completely clueless so I tried starting small talk with him about the team while taking small bits from my pizza.
* * * * *
That night I couldn’t sleep. I was rolling on my bed from one side to the other and kept bumping into the wall trying to find a comfortable sleeping position. It was like the first day all over again. I missed my bed in Forks! I missed my Edward! I knew it would come, with Alice and the memories rushing back so quickly, I should have been expecting that.
“Bella, relax and you’ll sleep,” Alice advised me.
She was lying on the sleeping bag Phil brought from the garage for her although I knew she couldn’t sleep. Her golden eyes were piercing through the darkness, observing the room’s details as if it was filled with daylight.
“I can’t. I keep thinking things. When I try to empty my mind something new butts in! It’s driving me insane!”
“Do you want to tell me?”
“You know most of it. Edward. Victoria.”
“Victoria hasn’t given any signs of life since your–” she stopped midsentence trying to correct it. Reminding me that it happened on my birthday was only making it worse. “– since September.”
“That’s good. I guess,” I said in a weak voice.
“It is. We expected her to cause us problems since then, but I haven’t seen her doing anything.”
“Oh…”
“What else is worrying you? You said it’s not only this.”
“It’s not. I am happy for Renee and Phil. Really. I never imagined I’d have a little sister or brother.”
I saw a faint smile shaping on Alice’s pixie face and guessed that she already knew if the baby would be a boy or a girl.
“You’re not gonna tell me what you know, will you?” I asked suspiciously.
“Nopes.”
“Predictable.” I sighed.
“Will you tell me already? The pregnancy will go just fine and you’re going to have a sibling.”
“Where was Renee today?”
“At the doc, Bella! She was making sure she was pregnant!” she said as if I should know.
“Without Phil?”
“Phil was in on the trick. They wanted it to be a surprise, so Renee made Phil stay home and act normal… Bells, you’re becoming slow in your old age.”
“I’m not slow. Just a little tired…” I murmured as I yawned.
“So… now that everything is clear, will you sleep?”
“I can try. Will you be here?”
“I might go hunting tonight. Or I could do it tomorrow. But I will be here when you wake up,” she assured me.
“Thanks, Alice. It means a lot.” You have no idea how much.
“You’re my friend, Bella. My very best friend, now sleep.”
“I know…” I said and then forgot everything and drifted away…
“Bella, relax and you’ll sleep,” Alice advised me.
She was lying on the sleeping bag Phil brought from the garage for her although I knew she couldn’t sleep. Her golden eyes were piercing through the darkness, observing the room’s details as if it was filled with daylight.
“I can’t. I keep thinking things. When I try to empty my mind something new butts in! It’s driving me insane!”
“Do you want to tell me?”
“You know most of it. Edward. Victoria.”
“Victoria hasn’t given any signs of life since your–” she stopped midsentence trying to correct it. Reminding me that it happened on my birthday was only making it worse. “– since September.”
“That’s good. I guess,” I said in a weak voice.
“It is. We expected her to cause us problems since then, but I haven’t seen her doing anything.”
“Oh…”
“What else is worrying you? You said it’s not only this.”
“It’s not. I am happy for Renee and Phil. Really. I never imagined I’d have a little sister or brother.”
I saw a faint smile shaping on Alice’s pixie face and guessed that she already knew if the baby would be a boy or a girl.
“You’re not gonna tell me what you know, will you?” I asked suspiciously.
“Nopes.”
“Predictable.” I sighed.
“Will you tell me already? The pregnancy will go just fine and you’re going to have a sibling.”
“Where was Renee today?”
“At the doc, Bella! She was making sure she was pregnant!” she said as if I should know.
“Without Phil?”
“Phil was in on the trick. They wanted it to be a surprise, so Renee made Phil stay home and act normal… Bells, you’re becoming slow in your old age.”
“I’m not slow. Just a little tired…” I murmured as I yawned.
“So… now that everything is clear, will you sleep?”
“I can try. Will you be here?”
“I might go hunting tonight. Or I could do it tomorrow. But I will be here when you wake up,” she assured me.
“Thanks, Alice. It means a lot.” You have no idea how much.
“You’re my friend, Bella. My very best friend, now sleep.”
“I know…” I said and then forgot everything and drifted away…
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
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