7. VACATION
Author's Note: Yes, indeed, the story has come so far! I tried to make this chapter good, although I have to admit I avoided the part with walks around New York... There are two reasons for that. One: Bella isn't in a state where shopping sprees appeal to her, still grieving Edward's loss, although I know she's not the shopping kind anyway. And two: Well, I'm not the shopping kind either. Plus I've never visited New York. I could have done some research if I believed it would be what I should focus on during Bella's vacation. Once again, Renee might surprise you. If not, you should know she does surprise me! I swear, she doesn't even asks me before doing something in the story! She's taken the wheel and takes it where she wants! *starts pulling her hair* Gotta love her though! Have fun reading and leave some love!
Lots of love,
Nessie
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For the next week, the weather was horrible. It became cold and rainy, and I was forced to start using the coat I brought from Forks with me. It was as if the weather was doing it for Alice, to make her feel more at home and be able to run around shopping. But it was totally against me. Each moment of bad weather made my heart ache. I missed it. But remembering was worse. It hurt worse. And I couldn’t get to the sea this way. I knew in that weather, I wouldn’t dare to touch the sand with my bare feet… let alone touch the water. I didn’t want to get out. I was sitting in my bed, my forehead pressed against the cold glass looking outside at the furious sea, haunting and taunting me, but I didn’t dare attempt to get out. Alice tried everything to cheer me up. I began crying a lot again. Not as much as I did three months ago, but more than normal too. Jason called many times, trying to steal some time with me outside school. I mostly ignored his calls; I sometimes picked up and said I was heading to the grocery shop or just got out of the shower. Renee was bouncing with happiness and excitement for the new baby’s arrival like an impatient child. She had more or less eight more months! It didn’t manage to ruin her mood though. Her easel was standing by the window next to the piano and there was always a new canvas on it ready to be painted, and an always increasing pile of brightly colored, happy paintings were on the floor next to it.
“Mom, you keep drawing children playing at the beach,” I noticed once.
“Yes. That’s because I like children and the beach!” she said cheerfully and hummed a song while she was painting a palm’s leaves red… I thought about telling her, but I knew she’d say it’s a unique palm and that’s why it’s red or something like that, so I just smiled and went in my room.
I was trying to act happy. I really did. It just didn’t seem to work much… The nightmares wouldn’t leave me. Actually, I almost regretted that I let Alice tell me about all those stories of her family because my subconscious recalled them every night, turning them into a horror movie. The only difference with a real horror movie was that you couldn’t hit the pause button. You had to watch till the end. And every time I woke up, I told myself that it was my dream and that I could change it! It was inside my head after all! But when the real thing began, I always forgot my words. I was paralyzed with fear, left there to watch unable to breathe, unable to move, unable to stop it. I felt useless inside my own dreams.
Sometimes, I was at the beach with Edward. Something that I had dreamed sometimes but never thought I’d see coming true. I was right. Sometimes, I was just watching, while Edward was playing the piano in the living room and suddenly he jumped up sliding the piano before the wall fell apart. Sometimes, we were in the woods and he was leading me to the meadow, but the end was always the same. I froze on the spot and the red, flame-like hair jumped out of the blue. And I just had to watch until I couldn’t take it anymore and woke up screaming, feeling the hole in my chest hurting more and more. I was exhausted, tired of the dreams and anxious fear. I was ready to go home again, and face my fears, or so I thought. I just could not bring myself to make that decision, not yet.
Our flight was leaving on Sunday night, tonight it was Friday.
“Shhh, Bella, wake up. It’s a dream. Everything is alright.” Alice’s soothing voice reached me and I felt someone shaking me.
I stared at her for a while as if I didn’t recognize her. I couldn’t recognize anything at the moment. Nothing but the topaz colored eyes that glowed in the faint moonlight coming in from the window. I tried talking, but my lips were trembling and I finally just closed my eyes and let her pull me into a hug.
“H-h-h-how do you do it?” I said in a small, trembling voice.
“Don’t really know. Just try to move on. You have to do it too eventually. I know it will take time, but it will happen in the end. You’ll see. Everything will be alright. Edward would want you to move on, you know. All he ever wanted was for you to be happy, whether it was with him or not. He knew he would never be happy again without you, but your happiness was all he lived for. He would be hurt watching you hurt so badly. He would truly want you to move on and find some happiness again, Bella. It will get better, I promise…”
“No, it won’t. You say that because you still have Jasper. He still is there for you. E-e-e-edw-” I couldn’t even spit out the whole name, “-he will never be there for me again.”
“Look out of the window.” She moved me gently so that my head was turned to look out of the window. It was dark outside and the backyard looked deserted and abandoned in the rainy night.
“What a-a-am I supposed to see?” I mumbled stubbornly not daring to believe my eyes. A ghostly figure, like smoke, danced in and out of my vision. Topaz eyes begging me to look.
This wasn’t what Alice wanted me to see. This was what I wanted to see. Him.
“Look what’s out there!” Did she really mean him? She couldn’t see could she? Or I wasn’t crazy after all. After a long break of silence, she continued. “The world, Bella! There are so many people out there!”
Of course she didn’t see. I knew all along. Yet, I still was disappointed that I was the only one to see him.
Her voice said the same words that his lips seemed to create. Ignoring Alice, I imagined it was him saying the words and bringing back the best memories I had from his velvety voice.
There is someone else for you out there. Just open up to him. Time to move on, my Bella.
He was insisting on that since I first saw him. It was not painful to see him this way. I knew he wasn’t really there, but I didn’t think of him as dead. I had tried to make him appear when I wanted. It didn’t go that way though. He came when he wanted to do so. When he had to remind me of something, and just as quickly as he danced in my vision, he danced out of it. Disappearing into the darkness once again, leaving the hole in my chest aching until I saw him again.
How am I supposed to find him? I shouted inside my head, furious that he left me alone again.
I remember Alice helping me up and splashing water on my face, and then I curled back under my blankets – all three of them – and put on my headphones on to listen Edward’s CD. I didn’t really sleep that night again, the same songs played over and over again, but I kept my consciousness afraid to get back to the horrible nightmare. Alice felt that I wasn’t sleeping, but didn’t talk to me even when she jumped out of the window to go hunting. She left the window half open, and in my nest of blankets the cold didn’t bother me, so I didn’t get up to close it. It took a long time for her to return, maybe one hour, maybe two. I heard her light footsteps on the lawn, but she didn’t come in. Instead, I heard the beeping sound that her cell-phone’s buttons made and she started talking to someone. I didn’t manage to make out much; she was talking too fast, like Edward used to do when he wanted to keep me out of conversations. I just heard clearly one word. Jasper. Of course, she would call him at some point. She probably was more often than I had realized. I suddenly felt bad. I didn’t have the right to keep her here, away from him. Why didn’t she just go back? I hugged my pillow tighter and buried my head in it waiting for Alice to end her call and come back in. I had to talk to her.
“Alice?” I asked as I felt a soft breeze finding its way into my room when she entered it.
“You’re still not asleep?”
“No, I can’t.”
“That’s not good for you, you know,” she scolded.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Well, it does to me. You’re still human, you need it.”
“Still human? So I am going to be changed? Will you change me?” Not that it mattered. I didn’t want immortality if I couldn’t spend it with Edward. It wasn’t worth it then.
“No, Bella. I won’t. That’s not the point. I mean that you’re human.”
“Why don’t you get back to Jasper? I know that you miss him,” I changed the subject quickly.
“What are you talking about?” she asked and tilted her head curiously.
“I heard you talking to him. I can’t keep you from your happiness with him. It’s not right for you.”
She laughed and shook her head. “Bells, I didn’t call Jasper for that!” She inhaled deeply and decided to tell me, “I’d better tell you, I would do it eventually anyway. I had a vision.”
I sat up quickly, my curiosity sparking. “What vision?”
“I told you I had seen you coming back. Charlie will call you this morning.”
“He’s okay, isn’t he?”
“Don’t worry, I made sure he’d go at the dog-” She trailed off and changed it before I could process what she was saying “-the Reservation.”
“La Push?” I asked shocked. Then again I shouldn’t. Billy Black and Harry Clearwater were both living there and they were his best friends.
“Yup! Did you believe I’d leave and let him cook on his own? He’d either get food poisoning or starve himself,” she joked at his total lack of cooking skills.
“You told me that you’ve taught him how to cook a little.”
“A little. And I was always there to assist. After all, he loves being with his friends.”
“I know… So what was the vision about?”
“Charlie wanted to ask you to come back. Something about ‘trial-month’ being over..?”
For a second I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t sure that I heard what Alice said or what Iwanted Alice to say. “He wants me back?” I whispered.
“Of course he does, silly! He didn’t want to send you away all along; he just thought he was doing what was the best for you!”
I knew what his intentions were very well, and although I found his reason in it, I wasn’t sure. I somehow felt rejected by him. Like he sent me away just to have one less worry in his head. He wasn’t calling me much. He was checking on me every now and then, but his calls were not even close to as many me and Alice had.
“But he was trying to keep distance from me. He’s been avoiding even to call me!” I cried.
“What? Bella, what are you talking about? He was calling every day!”
“No, he did not! Once a week the most.” My brows came closer in frustration and I bit my lower lip.
“He did! I was next to him when he did!”
“Did you hear him talk to me?” I asked stubbornly.
“Well… I was next to him, but I left when someone picked up the phone, to give him privacy… Wait! I remember once Renee picking the phone up.” She looked thoughtful. “I assumed that he spoke to you next. He always knew how you were doing. I don’t get it…”
I sat there clutching the pillow harder letting my forehead touch it suddenly feeling exhausted. I couldn’t figure out what was going on. My mind was so exhausted it could not process what had happened.
“What if Renee kept him updated…? He was really worried after most calls. But he always said he spoke to you.”
“Like I told you, it was not happening. I suppose I would know too if he spoke with me!”
Anger was filling me, but I didn’t know why. Was I angry at Charlie? At Renee for hiding from me that he was calling? At Alice for not knowing more? It was selfish. I didn’t have the right to blame any of them. Alice had already done a lot for me. Renee would have a good reason to do it. She might have an odd way to show it, but she was very reasonable when she wanted. And Charlie… He did try. He was keeping an eye on me all along. He was taking care of me even if I wasn’t in Forks. He didn’t stop caring. I was blind for not seeing that. I should have known, but I was busy being selfish and depressed.
I. Had. To. Keep. Living.
I had to wake up and see what the rest of the world was doing. Life was going on. I had to go on too. At that moment, I made a big decision. I had to go back and deal. I could deal up to an extent from here. But it was like trying to build back up a totally messed up friendship. You couldn’t do it through the phone. As long as I stayed here I’d keep postponing no matter how much I wanted to go there. If I didn’t go I knew I’d keep running away from it. Further and further away. And I would never be able to face anything reminding me of him. I couldn’t let this happen.
“When did you say that he’s going to call?” I asked after a long break of silence.
“This morning.”
Morning came and I hadn’t slept at all. My eyes were red and tired and I had deep, dark circles under my eyes. Alice, of course, was up and I was shocked to see her in the kitchen… baking cookies.
“Alice?”
“Good morning, good morning! Sit, I am making breakfast!” she said excitedly, her eyes moving from the oven to me.
“But… why?” I was still feeling tired and my head was heavy and the picture I was seeing couldn’t be processed by my head.
“I was in the mood to do so… And you’re always making breakfast. Or Phil. And since I was here; I thought that I should do it once too.”
“But you don’t eat.” It was not a question.
“No. But does it matter? That’s what I do with Charlie too, Bells.”
I groaned and a cloud of yummy, vanilla cookies scent filled the room as she opened the oven a little. In the meantime she placed in front of me a plate of waffles with chocolate syrup and a ball of ice cream on them. Even in my bad, cloudier than the sky mood I couldn’t resist to the delicious meal in front of me.
“Alice! Renee is the pregnant one, but I think that I will be the one getting huge!” She chuckled silently and turned her attention back to the cookies as I began to eat, letting the waffles’ taste explode in my mouth. “Mmmm… I don’t know how you do it, but it’s really good!”
“Hoped it would make your day begin nicely,” she said in a perky voice and brought closer from the oven a big plate that soon was filled with delicious cookies.
She was right. For the whole week, I felt awful, and didn’t bother to hide it except when I had Renee around. It might make things easier when I get back to Forks. She will be too preoccupied with the baby to worry about me. Oh God! Renee!
“Alice?” I asked with the hand holding the fork frozen in midair.
“Hmmm?”
“How am I going to tell Renee?” She would be so sad! And she just got used to having me in her life after all this time. How could I go away again? So many difficulties… Why does everything have to be complicated?!
“She’s going to understand, Bella.”
“Did you see?”
“No. But she’s like you. Easy to read. I have figured what kind of person she is. She will be happy as long as you are happy.”
“I can’t promise that I will be happy back in Forks.”
“But you’re going to try to be. Think of it like that. And I believe that-”
There is someone for you, I mimicked her voice inside my head. Yeah, yeah, I’ve heard already.
“Okay. I got it, Alice, thanks.”
She opened her mouth to begin bombarding me with arguments of all kinds about it, but the phone saved me! Sort of. I knew who it was.
“Hi, dad,” I said picking up the phone in the living room.
“How did you know it was me?” I heard Charlie’s shocked voice on the other side of the line.
“It shows on the phone screen, dad... Caller ID, duh,” I lied with a chuckle.
“Oh. Okay.” He stopped and I could imagine him staring at the ceiling in a moment of awkwardness and after a short pause, he continued, “How are you, Bells?”
“I’m… alright.”
“Alright? Is that good?”
“Guess it is supposed to sound like it, right?” I wasn’t focusing on a specific object, but I was staring at the wall in front of me while twirling and un-twirling the cable of the phone around my finger.
“I was thinking, Bells.”
“Nice,” I said still trying to focus on what he said, but my tired mind couldn’t really get a grip on the words.
“I wasn’t finished,” he said quickly.
“Oh, okay, go on.” Yeah, like he needed my permission. I mentally snorted.
“So when I sent you to your mom in Jacksonville, we made an agreement. The ‘trial-period’. Remember?”
“Yeah. What about it?”
“Do you like it there? I mean, you don’t really sound much different than you were here.”
Oh, trust me, I am, but it doesn’t mean that it is good for me.
“So?” I asked and felt my lids growing heavy.
“I was wondering if you’d like to come back. It’s up to you of course, if you want to stay with your mom, I will understand…” he trailed off.
I knew I was half falling asleep, not on purpose, but I couldn’t help it. I mentally shook my head and sat up straight on the sofa. “Oh, really? I…”
“It’s alright, Bella, no pressure here. I get it, you have been with Renee more and-”
I cut him off. “No, I want to come! Dad, if you remember, I was the one who didn’t want to go in the first place?” He remained silent for a while, probably stunned from shock from what I said. “I just need to tell Renee. And now with the baby…”
“With the what?!” I heard something break in the other side of the line, and I jumped on my feet.
“Charlie, what happened are you alright?” God, tell me that there wasn’t an accident because of me!
“Nothing, it was just a glass. What baby?” he insisted.
“Wait a second, Phil is asking me something-” I lied and leaving the phone with the earpiece against the couch pillow so that he wouldn’t hear anything. Then I stormed in the kitchen. “Alice!” I hissed.
“What happened, Bella?”
“Why didn’t you tell me that Charlie didn’t know?”
“Know what?”
“About the baby! He has no idea that Renee is pregnant!”
“What the…” she trailed off and her eyes lost focus in the usual by now sight of her having a vision and when I saw them focusing back on me she began laughing. “Bella… I think that you’d better go and explain to him because he is freaking out. He’s changing his mind on what he will tell you, and he thinks that you’re the pregnant one!” A new wave of hysterical giggles came on the surface.
I felt my face turning deep violet with shame, and I ran for the phone.
“Dad? Are you still on the line?”
“Bella, how could you? I thought you were a responsible teenager. I mean, I even wondered if you had ever acted like one, I-”
“Dad, I’m not pregnant.” Then, I realized how ridiculous the whole situation was and I had to take some deep breaths to keep me from laughing. “I suppose that there was a misunderstanding. I thought Renee had told you, but apparently she hasn’t…”
“What did you think that Renee had told me?” he stopped my babbling, and I bit my lip not knowing if I should tell him.
“Renee is pregnant. She told me last night.”
“I didn’t know,” was the only thing that he managed to say.
“That’s why I need to find a nice way to tell her about me coming to stay back with you.”
“Maybe you should stay, help your mom… I didn’t know about the situation…” His voice had turned hesitant, and even a little dark. Like jealous?
“Dad, Renee can handle it. She’s capable of more than you think. And she has Phil. I will stay only if she asks me to.”
It took me almost ten more minutes to convince him, and finally he seemed calmer and I said goodbye.
“Goodbye, Bells, call me later and tell me how it went.”
“Sure. Bye.”
I let the phone fall on the sofa and went back in the kitchen where the cookies’ scent seemed ten times more intense. My head was hurting, and I knew I needed sleep. But I didn’t want to let myself drift away. Let alone knowing that I had to break the news to Renee.
“Bella, go to bed, you’re stumbling.”
“No, I’m okay.”
A cold hand gripped my wrist firmly. “You really need to sleep. I see you falling on the floor if you don’t go soon.”
“See, as if in a vision?” I asked yawning.
“See, as if imagining it. It’s expected, Bella. I’ve never seen you this bad. You look exhausted.”
I didn’t really feel like coming up with another argument. I let her drag me through the house to my room, and before I knew my head hit the pillows, I was asleep.
It might have been the first time that I didn’t dream. I was too tired even to do that. My mind had been reeling through the night while I fought to stay awake, and now it was too tired to show me anything at all. Of course, I’d prefer butterflies and flowers and sitting at the edge of a cliff (no scratch that, I would probably manage even in my sleep to fall from there) watching the sunset, but no dreams at all were better than the flame-red hair and the deep red eyes ruining anything else. Although nothingness caused me restlessness, I didn’t mind. I was too tired to bother. I was sleeping lightly and heavily at the same time. I remember hearing the cars running through the wet streets in extreme speed, I remember hearing Renee singing cheerfully and talking with Alice about tomorrow’s flight, I remember hearing Phil coming back from the grocery store and announcing he bought snacks to have to eat during the flight. Everyone knew that plane meals were awful. I didn’t think I would remember any details; the fact that I could remember even this was a miracle. Yet, there was a conversation that I wouldn’t forget anytime soon.
“Renee, do you have a sec?” Alice’s voice was still perky but had a serious tone.
“Sure, sweetie, what is it?” Renee asked and I heard the sofa squealing in complaint; probably Renee jumped on it from the back like she used to when we were back in Phoenix.
“Bella is going to tell you when she wakes up, but she was uneasy last night and didn’t sleep well.”
“Yeah…” Renee agreed in a sad, little voice. “She’s not well. It is worrying me, she was always silent and liked to sit on her own and read or something, but now it’s bad. She just sits. Without doing anything. And she cries a lot. I know about Edward, although she never talks about him, and I imagine that it hurts. Maybe she needs help. Or maybe she needs to get back to Charlie. Was it that bad when she was with him? You must know, you’re her best friend.”
“She wasn’t good then either. Keeping her away from Forks might be easing her pain on the surface, but I fear that it will not help her really recover.”
“I was thinking about calling Charlie.”
“Can I ask you about that?”
“Charlie? Yeah, sure.”
“I know he’s been calling a lot. But Bella said that they haven’t talked a lot. She thought that he was avoiding her.”
“Oh God… It’s my fault. Charlie explained the situation to me… So we thought that it would be best for him to keep a distance. Be discreet, so that Bella could leave that sad part of her life behind. We thought we were helping. She never told me that. He was calling, and I was telling him how she was doing. We thought it was better this way.”
“He called this morning. Talked to Bella.”
“Nice!” Renee said lightly.
“He asked her to move back with him if she wants.”
There was a silent moment, and then Renee spoke again. “If that’s what she wants then I- I’ll understand. I mean, I should have seen that coming. I was intending to do it myself anyway, and ask her if she wanted to go back. I-” she stopped blurted out a quick “Excuse me,” and then I heard fast, clumsy footsteps and the bathroom’s door opening. Poor Renee, pregnancy’s symptoms began showing up. I didn’t hear anything else from the conversation, because I fell more heavily in my dreamless sleep.
I didn’t get out of bed until the next morning, and I only did it to pack my stuff for New York. Unlike Alice, I had to make a huge effort to share half of Renee’s enthusiasm about it. The hours flew by with them chatting happily about “The Week” and I tried to be part of it, just to let them think that I was paying attention. Alice managed, by good luck, (yeah, sure) to use the same ticket to fly from Jacksonville’s airport instead of Port Angeles’ one. To Renee’s and my shock, Jasper met us in the airport in New York too. Alice didn’t bother to mention it back in Jacksonville. Of course, she brought him because she missed him but I knew it wasn’t only that. She wanted to keep me calm, just like it happened in the first days after the accident while I was in the hospital. I realized it as soon as I came within a fifty-mile radius from him, and his empathic effect reached me. He might have been the cause of everyone close to him to be smiling brightly and chat with such excitement as if the most amazing thing in the planet happened in front of their eyes. That’s what Renee was acting like too. Me… it worked. Up to a point. I felt calm and even cheerful you might say, but not as much as everyone else. There were limits to what Jasper could do too.
We never shared much with Jasper and I knew he was avoiding coming very close to me or having any kind of skin to skin contact with me. Edward had explained to me that he was newer with the animal-blood thing than the rest of them and sometimes the struggle was almost mirrored in his eyes. Like during the ride from the airport to the hotel with the car he had rented. Or maybe bought. The Cullens tended to do such things.
“This is it,” he announced and after we got out of the car, and had our entire luggage on the pavement, he handed the keys to the parking boy and we walked in. When Renee said that she had some saving aside and used them for the trip, she hadn’t told me she had such big savings! It was a five star hotel, with a painted, high ceiling with golden and white details and arched – also high – doorways. I felt so out of place, but then Alice reminded me that I was on vacation and had to enjoy it. And after a little push from Jasper, I felt like doing it too.
We settled quickly in the rooms, huge, luxurious ones, and then we went out for a walk. Alice, of course, dragged us around in the shops, bought a bunch of clothes for her and made me try some dresses too, and then she decided that Renee’s maternity outfits from her pregnancy with me weren’t appropriate anymore, so she searched every corner to find the most elegant (and if she let us see the prices I would be also sure about them being also extremely expensive) maternity clothes New York had to offer. Everything was alright until we bought hot dogs and Renee’s stomach decided that it wouldn’t keep hers down. After that, we returned to the hotel.
I knew that Alice had prepared Renee for what I had to tell her, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Now that I thought about it, I hadn’t called Charlie back either… Did he even know that we would go in New York for the winter break?
I shared a room with Renee and Alice one with Jasper… It proved to be right next to ours… of course, because of luck, NOT. That’s how everything in Alice’s life worked… For once, I’d like to have her gift. Have an insight on what the future holds for me. What it holds for the people I loved…
“Ahhh, Bella, I think I’m gonna crash early, I’m a wreck! I feel sooo sleepy, girl, you cannot imagine! And something smells to me like waffles… Mmmm…”
“Renee? Do you seriously want to eat after throwing up that hot dog like ten minutes ago?” I asked sitting up on my bed. She was still looking dreamily out of the window.
“You haven’t seen anything yet,” she murmured.
And I don’t know if I’m gonna be here to see nothing, I thought bitterly and felt bad for Renee. I couldn’t leave her alone on that. I know I told Charlie that Renee would be fine on her own, and I would be nothing but trouble if I stayed, but I had my doubts. What if I had to be there?
Totally ignoring my inner babbling, Renee kept talking. “When I was pregnant with you, I ate like a pig. Ask your father about it! Poor Charlie, he was running around to bring me whatever I thought that I smelled good at the moment…” She chuckled at the memory.
“This means that I have to go now and get you some waffles?”
“Nah… I am going to take a nap.” She yawned and quickly changed into the first pajamas that got in her way, not even noticing that they were mine. She pulled the blanket all the way until her nose was barely visible although the heating was on and in a blink of an eye, she was sleeping heavily.
I grabbed the TV remote from Renee’s end table and browsed through the channels looking for something good. To my surprise, I found a local channel that I used to watch in Forks. The news was on. As far as I knew, they rarely talked about anything important, except if something big happened in Seattle. Or something extremely big in Port Angeles. Yet the picture caught my interest. Forest. The forest near the meadow. Not as close, actually they were on road level but the camera shots were from the woods. I stretched my neck as if that would make me see anything better and turned the volume up.
“The local police are still investigating, but there had been witnesses, hikers and locals, talking about the appearance of bears in the woods…” the voice of the woman on the TV became dull and boring as the interesting information part finished and the boring, how-to-keep-yourselves-safe part started. I sat up straight again when I heard Charlie's voice although his face was nowhere on the screen.
“We don’t want anyone to be panicked without a reason because there had been no signs of any big, wild animals close to the town. When there is more information about it, the police station will make an announcement,” he assured the reporter and her annoying voice started talking again, but I turned off the TV before she could go on.
In order to keep myself busy, I grabbed my backpack and took ‘Wuthering Heights’ and began reading it for the millionth time. Sometimes, I felt like I couldn’t get enough of this book.
My peace and quiet didn’t last too long though as Alice knocked on the door and I got up to let her in. She was wearing heels that made her almost half a foot taller and a pretty black dress, which made me wonder what she’d make me wear in the next hour.
“Alice, what is it?” I asked not really bothered but hoping that she would like to spend the rest of the day with Jasper.
“Party time! What? Did you think that you’d spend your first night in New York inside a hotel room with a book?” She tsked and shook her head in disapproval. “Come on, we have a lot to do.”
All I could let out was a sigh, and let her drag me into her room. Jasper was quietly watching from the farther corner from where I sat and I could feel the cheerfulness he was trying to make me feel.
“Don’t even think about it!” I growled at him and he chuckled. “Jasper, nothing’s going to make me like it when Alice plays dress up Barbie with me!”
“Wanna bet?” He smirked playfully.
“No, thanks.” He might be stubborn, but I was even more stubborn.
This time, Alice decided to straighten my hair and at first picked a dress in a dark shade of blue but soon, probably seeing the same reaction that I did inside my head, changed her mind and went for a soft lavender color. Didn’t really fulfill my wish not to wear a dress at all, but it was better than blue. Blue had its way to make me sad. And even scared.
She took me to a club, leaving Jasper behind and telling him that it’s a “Girls Night” and he reminded her that she had a whole “Girls Week”! I got his point and I really wished Alice would let him come. I didn’t need him to finish the night early though. Alice took me to a club thinking that I should finally let myself loose and dance. Honestly and seriously, I respect Alice, but how could she ever believe that I would dance?! There were guys staring, and I couldn’t do anything but stare at the floor and Alice’s (as well as mine) new shoes. I felt so wrong out of my denim jeans and in that dress. I just wanted to get home!
“Come on, Bella! Relax! Move around a little. Oh, did you see that guy there? The one in the red shirt! He’s cuuute!”
“Alice, stop it. I’m not interested in guys,” I hissed.
After a while that passed with her trying to make me dance and me complaining that I was tired and wanted to go back in the hotel, we took a taxi to get back. When I lied down on top of the sheet without any blanket left on my side because Renee had rolled around and taken all of it on her side, I realized that I was in a very good mood compared to how I usually was by sleep time. It was probably caused from the fact that Jasper was controlling my mood, but what could I do? I took advantage of it for as long as it came in handy.
The next few days didn’t really go exactly as planned. Renee’s pregnancy symptoms were kicking in, and in a way that would attract attention. Morning nausea – that luckily kept being only morning except when she was eating specific things like eggs. It proved that this baby really hated eggs! Alice planned out a schedule that kept us inside for the morning until Renee was better and would take a walk around the city. The snowy weather allowed Alice to move also with us in daylight and most times Jasper followed too.
One day, after the very long shopping spree of the day, I was lying in bed and Renee next to me was changing thirty channels per second. It was driving me insane. I decided that I finally had to tell her officially.
Ugh. Nice, another fun moment, I growled to myself.
“Renee, I have something to tell you,” I had heard her reaction but still I couldn’t help wondering if she’d react differently if I was the one telling her.
“About time to finally do so!” I was startled by her answer and for a second I couldn’t find my words. “The TV has nothing good!” she said and laughed. “No, seriously, Bella, I’ve been waiting for you to tell me. You know that it’s alright, honey.”
“Are we talking about the same thing this time?” I asked hesitantly.
“If you’re talking about you moving back with Charlie.”
“Yes, that was what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“I’m all ears then.” Her blue eyes were focused on me and she was half smiling.
“I want to go-” I started but she interrupted me.
“Then you will go.”
“But… What about you? And the pregnancy? If you need help…”
“Bella, that’s why I have Phil, and don’t forget that this isn’t my first child. I will be fine, honey. Follow your heart. I think it’s shouting, ‘Go to Forks, go to Forks!’ Isn’t it?”
I smiled at her understanding and hugged her. “Thanks, mom.”
“When we leave tomorrow, I will help you pack your stuff and you will fly back with Alice and Jasper. How about that?”
“Actually, I’d like to say goodbye to some people first. And clear things with someone.” My mind was reeling; I was thinking of all the things I had to do before leaving Jacksonville.
“Ohhhh, was there anything going on between you and Jason? Something that you didn’t bother telling me?” She elbowed me and raised her eyebrows playfully.
You wish!
“No, mom. But I still have to tell him goodbye. And thank him for everything he did for me.”
“Hmm,” she said disappointed. What was really a disappointment was having a daughter who never spoke about boys. I never did, and when she asked about Edward, I didn’t tell her anything. I’d make up for that though. I had to promise her.
“Next time that I get involved with someone, I promise that you will be the first to know.”
She smiled. “Finally, you might have some teenager hormones in you!” she joked and fell back in the pillows.
“Yeah. Maybe they were looking for a way out and finally getting their release.”
That night, my nightmare stopped. I had the nightmare momentarily, but it was as if I was suddenly kicked out of it. An invisible force pulled me away from it and onto a beach. Renee and Phil were sitting in the sun with a little baby. A very cute little baby. My sibling.
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